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 Post subject: Im going to loose her!
PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2016 1:48 pm 
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Hi everyone, as some of you know I have a 7 month old snow Bengal (the one who pees in her waterbowl). Me and my partner both made a decision to get her for Christmas. Despite all the research you do, needless to say both of us felt overwhelmed at first, but it's come to the point now that my partner is saying that she wants to give her away!!!!

My partners main issue is her biting and scratching.. I keep saying that Katniss is just a baby and will grow out of it, but I'm not being believed.. Apart from her bite and scratch issue and an occasional meowing, she is a perfect little kitten. I've tried to do everything to stop her from scratching.. I play with her, direct her attention elsewhere when she is about to attack, walked away to let her calm down and given her time outs, but it seems to get only worse. I myself got a massive scratch on my calf this morning, which now looks swollen (I'm going doctors if it's not better tomorrow).

I don't want to give her away and I also don't want this draining my relationship. My partner is saying she hates being at home, feels like she is in prison.

I know Katniss will get better, but I have to convince my partner that's true and I'm running out of options what to tell her.

I've googled everything, watched Jackson galaxy and now I'm asking you guys how to help with her scratching and biting and convincing Dan not to give up on her. I don't think I could live with myself if I had to give her away!

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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2016 3:28 pm 
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I am so sorry you are going through this in your human relationship. You've probably had your kitty a few months now. As you know, kittens do bite and scratch. They are extremely playful and want to attack anything and everything. It's really quite normal. You just don't want them biting and scratching you. Bengal kittens, in particular, cannot get enough playtime. You honestly have to wear them out to the point they are exhausted and need to sleep. Hopefully, she has a tall cat tree as bengals love to climb.

Bengals are more like children than cats, however, bengals never grow up and remain 2 years old forever. The fact that you got a mean scratch signifies something is up. You can try "soft paws" on your kitten to minimize the injury, but they do have to be replaced often. You can trim the kitten's nails or take the kitty to the vet and have it done.

The bigger issue is your partner who appears to not be enjoying the kitty at all. Relationships are hard enough but add a pet to the mix and things can get bed. Some people think pets are disposable. Let's put it this way -- would you give an infant away just because it cried and cried and cried? Many of us feel our bengals are members of our family and treat them as such. However, not everyone feels this way.

You either have a deep discussion with your partner on how this bengal will be a part of your family and come to an agreement, or you risk losing one of them. Yes, your bengal will grow into an adult, but bengals are highly energetic cats their entire lives. I'm going to suggest you google on how to stop your kitten from scratching and biting and see if any of the remedies work for your kitty. Tell you partner this will take some time and your kitten won't "change" overnight. Hopefully, you'll be given time to deal with this and everyone can live happily ever after. Good luck.


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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2016 5:32 pm 
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You made a joint decision in relation to katniss and it isn't fair by her to suddenly change her mind - for you and the kitten. I'm not saying I don't understand but you've probably only had had her a few months and she's a KITTEN for goodness sake! Of course she's going to bite and scratch, she's still learning both how to be a cat and how to interact with humans.

We had two, my other half went away to sea, I was outnumbered and literally covered in scratches for a good few months. Yes, there were days I thought I can't cope with them, they were extremely hard work, but no sooner did I think that, and I knew I loved them too much to part with them. I also knew none of the bites or scratches were done maliciously, they were just over excited and it was play aggression. I nearly had to take my mum to A&E for stitches where jagger had thrown himself at mum because he was excited to see her, mum didn't catch him and she still has a pretty nasty scar. Mum wasn't worried either, she also knew it was Jagger's way of showing affection.

She will definitely get better. I only get the odd scratch now. You need to be firm and consistent with her and ensure she understands you guys are in charge. Set the groundwork now and it will pay off in the long run.

Your partner needs to give this more time. Quitting so early on is something that will cause friction between you guys for a start and I'm sure would be regretted by both of you.

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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2016 5:49 pm 
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There is a lot of things that trouble me about this.

1. That you guys would insist on getting a kitten, then complain, essentially, about the kitten's playfulness (*it's a kitten!!!*)
2. That such a minor thing as a few scratches would cause your partner to insist that you get rid of your cat. This is *such* a minor thing compared to the kinds of things you WILL go through with pretty much any pet. If this is really an insurmountable challenge, then I don't think you guys should have pets.
3. That you guys would select a bengal of all things, and then mention that the fact that she meows sometimes as part of the "imperfection" of that cat. Um, it's a *cat*, and a *bengal* in fact. The fact that bengals vocalize (a lot, and with a loud voice) is really one of the hallmarks of the bengal breed. And actually, in my experience, while you can certainly expect your kitten to be less and less bitey and scratchy, I think it's really likely your cat will get louder and louder as she ages (mine have).

For what it's worth, from what you've said, I think you are doing all the right things to discourage the scratching. But I think rather than looking at the kitten and seeing the fact that a kitten plays and meows as characters flaws, the real character flaw, is the one that your partner has. And it's a biggie.

Sherry's ideas of softpaws and/or nail trimming are good ideas. But I don't see this ending well no matter what. There will be some new thing to bitch about after you solve this one imo.

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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2016 8:52 pm 
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I had the same problem when we got Magic our now 4 year old boy, he would constantly attack my husbands feet when he had them up on the recliner.
My husband got to the point he had cuts all over his feet and felt he couldn't cope with it.

My plan of action was to up play time when hubby came home from work by playing with da bird toy and making him run and jump until he was panting with exhaustion.

After this a few times each time so he is panting he would then be so tired he would sleep.

I kept this up for several weeks and he just totally forgot about attacking feet.

Then a few months ago I got Pearl my 8 month old baby girl, they are great together and play all the time.

All this that went on I would have never in a million years considered re-homing Magic, they are my babies, I took them on and have a commitment to stand by them no matter what and if anybody told me to get rid of them the answer would be a big fat NO.

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PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2016 8:58 pm 
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I'm sorry but I can't help thinking really bad about what you're saying. If you're getting a cat you're getting a living being, not a christmas gift. Seems something quite obvious and logical and it's really sad that you may think about a kitten as some sort of a disposable thing. Why would you expect a little kitten not to scratch? On a lot of occasions they don't and on some they do but when you decide to get a kitten you have to think about every possible issue as, for me at least, there is no going back (I couldn't even contemplate giving my cats back or away). Compared to the average bengal, my cats don't live up to the standard in some areas (lucky me...) but they exceed in other ways and I do get occasional cuts and scratches, from the young lady especially. Sometimes they do my head in, especially as I live alone and there's no one to share my cats' attention requirements, but that's what I'd signed for and I absolutely love my guys. I think it's quite clear that always when you get a cat (or a dog, a parrot , a tarantula spider, etc...) you sign up for at least a decade, and often much more, of being responsible for them and their wellbeing. So, like Rebecca Pidgeon said, get your s**t straight and take care of the little kitten. She's not to blame for anything.

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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 2:08 am 
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I don't think scolding lilzzz is helpful. They are seeking input and help.

Try playing more with your kitten. Definitely continue to give the timeouts whenever she scratches or bites. Also be sure to have plenty of toys and scratching posts out at all times. Do you both work all day? She might be bored.


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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 7:00 am 
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wildlifereflections wrote:
I don't think scolding lilzzz is helpful. They are seeking input and help.

Try playing more with your kitten. Definitely continue to give the timeouts whenever she scratches or bites. Also be sure to have plenty of toys and scratching posts out at all times. Do you both work all day? She might be bored.


I don't think anyone is scolding lilzzz, more upset with the partner. However, you are right! Lilzzz, how does a typical day pan out? How often is your partner alone with Katniss? Are they interacting at all? What does Katniss have to keep her occupied when she's alone etc?

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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 12:03 pm 
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Hey,thank you all for your input, but I just want to make one this clear about all this. There is no WE. WE are not thinking of re-homing her, WE are not complaining about scratching, its just my partner. In no way whatsoever are both of us feeling this way.

People are saying "you shouldn't have pets, especially a Bengal, it's not a Christmas gift, stop bitching" etc .. Like I said before it was a mutual decision. In fact, my partner was the one who chose her, who spoke to the breeder, who made me watch videos on Youtube, read stuff up on the internet, who bought her litter box and all the other stuff she needs. It was all fine, I AM still fine, but she has completely turned on her. I've said several times, that you can't kick her out of her own home, most arguments end in tears and I see as my only solution to figure out how to make her behave a bit better so that my partner would stop calling her pain in the ass, stop shouting "F*** off", every time she goes near. It's horrible. I admit, I've thought of just taking her and leaving, but I can't really do that. What I need to do is make her love Katniss again and get Katniss not to scratch the way she does (she proper wraps her claws around the leg and sinks her teeth in, it is actually quite painful). And that's where I need help, before I'm being forced to choose between them.

We both work all day (except weekends), so she is home alone most of the day. Tuesdays and Thursdays we sometimes have a friend who stays at ours during the day and she keeps her company. She has got lots of toys and scratching post to keep her occupied during the day, though I do believe she sleeps most of it.
At the moment Dan does not interact with her at all (though Saturday she did pick up Da Bird for about 10 mins and played with her). She is also never alone with her. I play with her a lot when I get home and she happily plays by herself as well (she loves to climb and take her little toys up, it's quite cute). When she gets tired she comes and sleeps on my lap. Then for example Dan gets up to go to the bathroom and Katniss will attack her while still half asleep. Sometimes Katniss just sits there and randomly throws herself to bite, when I start playing with her then thinking she just wants to play, she is not interested. But she will carry on biting and that's when all hell breaks loose. She gets shouted at, I get shouted at, it's a vicious cycle.

I need them to get along and I'm not just letting Katniss to be given away easily. But being told every day that this cat needs to go and that she hates her is not fair on anyone.

For now I just keep telling she is a baby and will grow out of it, even if she doesn't, this will buy me some time and I'll deal with whatever happens next when the time comes.

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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 1:01 pm 
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I think Katniss is especially perceptive! Cats know when someone does not like them. They can tell affection from stand-offish. Katniss doesn't need to be yelled at. A kitty comes into a home to be loved and shown love. If you can't sit down and seriously talk things through with your partner and come up with a solution that involves BOTH of you in Katniss' life, then I'd take the cat and leave! I truly hope you can work things out. I'm sure there are episodes of My Cat From Hell on the Animal Planet website that deal with the exact situation that you have -- one loves the kitty, one wants to get rid of the kitty. Take some time to watch -- TOGETHER!


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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 1:24 pm 
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Has she ever had pets before? I have, and still found my two boys a major challenge and a shock to the system. I didn't know what I was letting myself in for to be honest, Jon did the research and I just went along with it! I certainly wouldn't be without them now, and I know that is how you feel about Katniss too.

Have you managed to ascertain any trigger? For example, Jagger would attack me when I was cleaning out the litter trays. He wanted the bags and would literally be hanging from me by his claws and teeth whilst I screeched in pain. So I shut him out of the conservatory whenever I did the trays.

I also learnt to wear thick socks and have adequate cover on my legs at all times! I dreaded summer, but fortunately they had started to grow out of it all by then.

Do you have kicker toys or large cuddly toys to hand? When she attacks your arms or legs, redirect her to these. Make sure you never play with your hands or feet with her as otherwise they are perceived as toys.

She is just being a kitten (which I appreciate you understand!) it's a matter of your partner understanding this and allowing you the time for Katniss to grow up and be more gentle. She will always be bonkers and now and again, there will be a scratch or two, but hopefully not so much that your partner still wants rid of her. Is it possible to have Katniss enclosed in a room at night so if Dan gets up, she doesn't get attacked? Ours used to be in the kitchen/conservatory at night when kittens for this very reason.

Do you have a cat tree? Bengals really appreciate these and will spend a lot of time on one if you have space for one.

Like Sherry says, cats are very perceptive and I'm sure she understands your partner doesn't like her. All the shouting will also rile her up more. Everyone needs to stay calm, try to get your partner to agree to an action plan and try to move forward in a positive way.

Keep us informed of progress and I really hope everything works out for all of you.

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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 2:58 pm 
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When my two were kittens, they scratched me daily. My skin was a mess. They didn't respond to NO or any attempt at training. I bruise and bleed at the lightest touch. One of my co-workers said it looked like I was in an abusive relationship! After a month, I couldn't take it any more and did some research. I found a vet close by that had a groomer who applies Soft Paws gel caps to cat's claws. It was a little pricy, but I was desperate and they last about 4-5 weeks. It was the best decision. They were still little insane lunatics, but without the scratching! It got us past the very difficult kitten stage and after the Soft Paws grew out, I took them in every month for a nail trim. The groomer also smooths the nail edges so they can knead me and not puncture the skin!

You might want to mention to your partner that cats, are very sensitive. Even when they seem to be crazy and not paying attention, the tone of voice and energy a caregiver gives off reaches them and harshness can hurt their fragile, developing ego. We all want out pets to be confident and well-adjusted when they grow up. Harsh words are not the way to achieve this. Suggest your partner try love, affection and gentleness. In a few weeks time the kitten will forget past habits and move on in a better direction. Good luck with everything.

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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 3:56 pm 
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Sorry to say but I don't like the sound of your partner very much. Sounds extremely childish to me. Not a 'pc' thing to say but said it.

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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 4:28 pm 
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Just a thought... has your partner become jealous of your relationship with Katniss? I know Jon sometimes feels jealous of the bond I have with Jagger and Hendrix - mainly because I am their main carer and he goes away etc.

Her reactions do seem very extreme towards a tiny kitten!

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PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 5:14 pm 
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Hi, yes no doubt that Katniss knows Dan has got an issue with her, they both anger each other. I'll find an episode to watch together (assuming she'll agree) and try that. Maybe it will bring some empathy back and give hope.

Tabitha, yes she has had pets before, she has always been an animal loving person. What is going on at the moment is truly shocking. I've said about shoes and socks and long trousers, but normally a reply I get to this "I should be able to walk around without socks if I want to". There is a selfish answer like that to everything. I haven't noticed any triggers, but I'll try look out for it. I do watch Katniss and her body language. Even though she us unpredictable, sometimes I've managed to distract her right before she bites. She has got a kickaroo (which she loves) and this penguin she kicks around, she has got a cat tree, but it's a bit small for her now (she has grown so much after she got neutered), so I will upgrade and get a really tall one (let's hope there are no objections as cat clutter is also sometimes an issue). I don't like locking her away in the kitchen, she really cries. She is locked out of a bedroom and doesn't cry at night anymore, but I would rather not traumatize her again and lock her away for the whole night. She doesn't really annoy Dan in the mornings anyway. I get up first, most days she has a shower with me, gets soaked and spends the rest of the morning grooming herself.

I feel a bit more confident today, so I think I will really confront her about the shouting if she does it tonight. She is actually going swimming tonight, so me and Katniss will play and watch Game of Thrones together.

I will seriously consider soft paws. I have taken her to have her nails clipped, but she absolutely hates it. She yowls every time the vet does it and normally one of the nurses has to hold on to her when the other one clips her nails. It's like she in pain, though I know she is not.

Eggman, to be honest, if this was someone else writing this, I would think the same thing, so no harm done there.

I don't think Dan is jealous, I give plenty of time to both of them, besides me and Dan work in the same building, so we travel to work and home and see each other at lunch. But I might ask her about that when there is a calm moment. I've been a bit stand offish with her today, but I'm feeling better.

I'm going to take this day by day and see if I can find a local groomer and have her paws done maybe over the weekend. I'm going home now and I can't wait to see her!

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