I'm starting to worry about my 5 lb 3 yr old girl. She tends to shrink away from my hand when I pet her back, but now she sort of jumps in her skin and it startles her when I try to pet her sometimes. I'm starting to worry that there's something wrong.

About half the time she'll let me pet her and she'll purr and there's no issues, and the other half the only reason she doesn't turn her head and bite me because she knows better. She just scratched my dad when he tried to pet her back which made me worry. I think part of it is because when we're playing with toys I "attack" her back to get a response from her, and it does. Every time. It provokes her into attacking and playing with the toy but now I want to "undo" that.

I've worked very closely with her with behavioral training even from when she was little. It has been working, she doesn't bite any more to "solve problems", but I was hoping for ideas about how to pacify her urge to defend herself when someone pets her back.

TLDR: how do I get my girl to relax when people try to pet her back? She can be very jumpy and even gets aggressive sometimes frightening people.

Some cats get over stimulated by a full body stroke when petting. You'll see their skin sort of twitch and they'll usually swish their tail and move away. Or they'll try to grab your hand if it really annoys them.

The best thing to do if you see the cat is getting over stimulated is to stick with head, neck & chin scratches/pets.

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Dallas, TX USA
Diesel - snow Bengal born 09/01/2013 adopted Feb 2014
Tuck, Chloe, Buddy, Lewis & Tia - rescue kitties
Clyde, Bleu & Coal - Great Danes

Based on a previous post I read about your giving your cat time out, no playing, and spanking her -- I'm guessing she's not a very happy kitty around you! Cats need to be treated well. She tends to shrink away from your hand because she is TERRIFIED you are going to hit her again. You have a twisted relationship with your cat and it appears the bond has been lost. If you truly want to mend things, start treating your kitty like a loved member of your family. It takes a long while for a cat to learn to trust again. The other thing is to stop attacking her when you are playing with her. She is acting out because she does not like it and you are trying to make her aggressive! Please re-think your relationship with this kitty. She is not happy, you don't seem happy, and your dad does not want to get scratched! You may want to find a more loving home for her.

I'm happy to know things have worked out!