Hi guys,

So I have had my little snow Bengal boy for 2 weeks now.

I know many of you will say this is not much time to ‘bond’ but let me just tell you the story and hear your opinions.

From the very start, he has LOVED my beautiful moggie girl. He loves her so much and is always rubbing against her, licking her, etc.

Currently he is only ever nice/purry/wants pats either when he is sleepy and has just woken up, or is hungry.

When I get home from work, both cats are asleep. My moggie runs up to me, purrs, meows, rubs against me, and is happy to see me. Zuki, however, crawls out of bed, walks over my way, but then completely ignores me and rubs against Lilo (moggie) instead, giving her all the attention, as if she’s the one who just got home!

In the mornings, as soon as Lilo sees me wake up, she crawls up to my face on the bed and sits beside me, purring. She did it this morning. I thought Zuki was going to say hello, too, when he jumped on the bed and walked over, but he only wanted to say hello to Lilo.

I know Lilo has probably taken the role of a surrogate mother to Zuki and he feels comfortable with her.

Do you guys think it will be harder for me to bond with Zuki when he already seems to have such a strong relationship/liking towards Lilo? Or will he become more loving/affectionate with time as he grows older?

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The little monsters 3

Just as no two children are alike, it's the same with kitties. It's only been TWO weeks! Give Zuki a chance. Bengals are bonding cats and we've had posts on here where the new kitten has bonded with another cat. I think Zuki is still getting his bearings around your home. I think you're expecting too much too soon! Relax a little bit. Zuki will take a lot of pointers from Loki. Spend time playing with both of your kitties. I know you show your love for both cats. But .... update us in another month and let's see if there's any difference. Most bengals are not snuggle bugs. You have to accept them for who they are. Zuki hasn't been away from his mom and siblings for very long and Loki is probably a great surrogate for Zuki. Be patient and hang in there. I think things will get better.

My cats constantly change their "touchability." One will be cuddly and the other will hang back and observe, then the rolls switch. I am not sure why but they seem to have some sort of system worked out. Grace was particularly untouchable, but I won her over with the brush. She comes to me now and meows for a brush or a pat.

Have you been around a bengal kitten before? They are so different from your regular cat that you wouldn't even think they are a cat! A b/w cat who hangs around our yard is super friendly, loves to be petted, head butts all over, gives kitty kisses, and will even jump up on you to get you to pet it. Super affectionate. Not my bengal. Whether Zuki will grow out of this, I don't know. So much depends on how the breeder socializes the cats and even the mother. If you got Zuki at 12 weeks from the breeder, that was the proper time. You have another cat -- and Zuki relates to that cat more than you. I know you want more from your relationship with Zuki, but he's obviously not prepared to give it -- at least not now. I'm sure Loki is quite affectionate towards you -- all moggies seem to be. Continue to be patient. Nothing is going to change overnight. Hopefully, Zuki enjoys interacting with you at play time.

I really don't think there is anything to be gained by dwelling on your kitten's perceived shortcomings. Making up deadlines, and planning threats and all that nonsense. Honestly, your attitude towards him is like a feedback loop. He fails to react the way you want towards you, so you resent that of him, so he notices your resentment and reacts even more negatively and on it goes. If you can't deal with having him, then talk to the breeder now, and see if you can return him. Let him go to a home that actually wants him. Otherwise embrace him for that cat he is, and let go of all the disappointment. I'm sure he can become an excellent friend if you'll let him, even if he isn't what you originally envisioned.
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The little monsters 3

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~*~Holly~*~

Orion ~ Light Gold Black Rosetted Bengal, born 5/19/15
Apollo ~ Tuxedo Marbled Tabby, born 1/7/12

Progress is extremely slow. The majority of the kitties I've owned over 50+ years have been loving and affectionate and lap cats (as I child, I even dressed our cat up in my doll's clothes. The doll was a girl, the cat was a boy.) My last moggie was so affectionate and had to be all over me all the time. I loved it! Raiden is a different story! But, Raiden is not the same cat and I just accept him for the kitty he is. His previous owner didn't fawn all over him like some men I've seen. Raiden was put outdoors and could roam the neighborhood! It's a little late at this stage of the game to change him. But Zuki is young and I'm sure you will see some improvement over time. It's still been just a few weeks. You're giving him a wonderful home and a terrific friend in Loki.

The same could hold true if you had two children -- they could be totally different -- but you would still love them both the same.

I think you need to relax and stop worrying. If you look back at Zuki's journey to you, how terrified he was when he arrived, things have definitely moved forward. In addition, Lilo gate crashed pretty early on, which all turned out very well in one respect but unfortunately you lost your one on one bonding time with Zuki, and that you had with Lilo. Which unfortunately means it will now take longer for you to bond with him.

Everything Brian, sherry and socalprincess have said is true. You are extreme lucky they get on so well and Zuki will pick up on your stress and frustration and that will make things so much more difficult.

Neither of my two want to be picked up or petted unless they are in the mood. There is nothing unusual in that. Focus on providing him good things and fun play times so he has positive associations with you. Let him approach you for petting (which he will eventually) and then it is all the more rewarding for both of you.

If you relax and take things at his speed all will be well eventually. I used to get frustrated too, my two had each other and would lay in the hall in their bed next to the radiator and I couldn't understand why they didn't want to be with us. Now they fight over who gets the best spot with us, and jagger who was the most standoffish is now the sweetest and most affectionate of the two.

Work on the play times with him. How is he interacting with you during play etc? What games do you play with him? Do you try to pet him immediately after play as his reaction could be some play aggression?

Keep at it and just relax and he will sense that and relax in your company as well. Keep us informed, you are just on the start of a very fun journey!

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Clare
Hendrix and Jagger, Brown Marble Boys (born 18 August 2013)
Hampshire, UK

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The little monsters 3

It took 6 months for Oscar to become cuddly. Yours is a tiny kitten who has lost his litter mates and is looking for a replacement..... Your moggie! He is still so young and two weeks is a drop in the ocean. Just hang back on the worry and chill out. He will most likely come to you but it may take a while. Just relax and become a fixture in the kittens life, but on his terms. I'm sure in six months time it will be totally different and you will wonder what you were ever worrying about!

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Melissa

UK
Oscar - Rescue (Rascal!!!) Bengal

Our Brian tells it like it is, but his advice is always spot on! You have the opportunity to change Zuki's behavior and he should come around if you just give him all your love. He's still learning -- and I bet within 6 months, there has been a huge difference in his personality. With some kittens, the adjustment period takes much longer.