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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 11:37 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat

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I broke up with my boyfriend who purchased Lily with me. I'm moving out soon but I'm worried about Lily who will be coming with me. She loves him is very loving towards him and I think will miss him. She is also being ripped from her home in to a smaller one where she will be alone more.

Is there anything I can do to help her? It's stressful enough for me but I really don't want her to have any behavioural problems or get scared of stuff etc.

I've already got the plan to move my things first and only allow her out of her basket once I have unpacked and my/her scent is everywhere. I will also have all her things set up, her food down and her toys ready to play with her on arrival. Is there anything else I can do?


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 6:08 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat
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Why can't Lily stay in her home? It would be far less disruptive for her.

Does your boyfriend not want her?


Heather

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 6:13 pm 
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Tigertail wrote:
Why can't Lily stay in her home? It would be far less disruptive for her.
Does your boyfriend not want her?
Heather


Well if it's her cat, I don't think anyone can fault her for wanting to keep her cat. I certainly would if I was in her shoes.

Your cat will be fine. These things happen, and cats are pretty resilient. Look at it as a new opportunity to make the new home great for your cat, and put some effort into that. You and your cat will get through it together and help each other.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 7:24 pm 
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A little over a year ago I had to move back in with my mom with my children and BB. Needless to say I was completely stressed out and I was terrified of what would happen with my kids and BB. I was actually more worried about BB :redface: the kids had their grandmother, that's all they needed lol. Anyway, I brought her in and set up her safe room, which was my bedroom. To make matters worse my mother has a very hyper active dog that is extremely stubborn and does not listen :rolleyes: To my surprise BB took to it like a champ! She was the boss of that house in a matter of 24 hours! She had a fit trying to get out of the room and so I let her. She walked around smelling everything and was a little iffy for about an hour and that was it! After the initial investigation she laid out on the sofa and took a nap! The dog pestered the mess out her but one quick slap to the nose put her in her place! I wouldn't worry to much! She has you and you have her, both of you will be ok with time! Maybe for her it will only take an hour :wink:

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 7:32 pm 
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brianj12 wrote:
Tigertail wrote:
Why can't Lily stay in her home? It would be far less disruptive for her.
Does your boyfriend not want her?
Heather


Well if it's her cat, I don't think anyone can fault her for wanting to keep her cat. I certainly would if I was in her shoes.

Your cat will be fine. These things happen, and cats are pretty resilient. Look at it as a new opportunity to make the new home great for your cat, and put some effort into that. You and your cat will get through it together and help each other.


Sorry, but I read it as being both of theirs cat.

TigerLily wrote:
I broke up with my boyfriend who purchased Lily with me.


.....and if I were in that position (and I have been) I would want what is best for the cat.

It is not an easy decision to make, but if the cat would be happier staying then that is what should be important.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 11:44 pm 
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brianj12 wrote:
Your cat will be fine. These things happen, and cats are pretty resilient. Look at it as a new opportunity to make the new home great for your cat, and put some effort into that. You and your cat will get through it together and help each other.


I agree, cats are pretty resilient and as long as you try to accommodate them they will be fine. Good luck.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 11:45 pm 
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Breakups are always hardest on the "kids" you know. My hubby loves Raiden, but if we split up, he would not know how to take care of a cat. He feeds Raiden his treats and gives him great massages and plays with him, but feeding, letterbox, ver trips -- he's not interested. I'm sure they'll do what's best for the kitty.


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 5:38 am 
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Tigertail wrote:
.....and if I were in that position (and I have been) I would want what is best for the cat.


And by saying that, the implication is that you think he is the more suitable owner. Which is a really messed up thing to be implying, with no actual information to go on.

I look at it this way: Either he realized that the cat is better off with her and freely gave up the cat, in which case it was the right decision for the cat, or she simply wanted the cat more, in which case it was also the right decision for the cat. Either way it was the right decision for that cat.

You've turned her into Curella DeVille for some reason for having concern for her cat, which I don't understand. Why wouldn't she be entitled to the benefit of the doubt here?

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 8:59 am 
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brianj12 wrote:
Tigertail wrote:
.....and if I were in that position (and I have been) I would want what is best for the cat.


And by saying that, the implication is that you think he is the more suitable owner. Which is a really messed up thing to be implying, with no actual information to go on.

I look at it this way: Either he realized that the cat is better off with her and freely gave up the cat, in which case it was the right decision for the cat, or she simply wanted the cat more, in which case it was also the right decision for the cat. Either way it was the right decision for that cat.

You've turned her into Curella DeVille for some reason for having concern for her cat, which I don't understand. Why wouldn't she be entitled to the benefit of the doubt here?


Thanks for the selective quoting Brian.

I have implied nothing of the sort.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, based on the information available, which you seem to have more of than me.

I have only been factual, not emotional.

By your logic, why should her boyfriend (who we know NOTHING about) not be given the benefit of the doubt IF IT IS THE CATS BEST INTEREST?



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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 10:27 am 
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Sorry to hear about your breakup.
I think your plan to get things unpacked will work well. When I moved house, I manically unpacked things and then brought them into the house - it was chaos - I had builders clearing out as I was moving in - but the cats were amazing - strolled around like they had never been anywhere else.

I wish you luck - I'm sure it will be all fine.

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 2:03 pm 
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The last thing this topic needs is more emotion added to an already emotional situation... facts and tips based on logic might be helpful to Tigerlily.. emotion charged input will not.

I think it has been suggested already that changing the cats home is the more stressful option and this is true.
However it should become evident to you Tigerlily, who out of you and your ex is actually more dedicated and attached to your cat. When that is established act on that basis is my advice.
If she is staying in her current home your ex needs to step up his attention and try to compensate for you being missing.
If she is coming with you then do as you are already (researching and planning) doing and try to make the changes as easy on her as possible.
She has various ''constants'' that she derives comfort and assurance from... all of her own marked furniture and current trays for eg... so try to bring EVERYTHING that your girl recognises as hers into the new place and arrange them as similar layout as you can to what she is used to.

I think either situation will work out ok and the main upset for your girl will be adjusting to having only one human... she will be needy and clingy ect with whomever she ends up with. and miss whoever she is losing.

In either situation the change and ''new life'' she will be adjusting to can also be made positive for her im sure.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 12:09 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat

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Posts: 152
Tigertail wrote:
Why can't Lily stay in her home? It would be far less disruptive for her.

Does your boyfriend not want her?


Heather



That was sllightly rude. She is my baby, not his. I will not leave her behind just because my life is at a bad place.

I'm sorry to everyone I haven't replied to. I've been naturally busy! I'll try get round to it today. Thank you all for being so helpful as always :)

Lily has started peeing on the bed. I'm not sure why yet.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 12:19 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Sun Aug 11, 2013 6:09 pm
Posts: 152
Tigertail wrote:
brianj12 wrote:
Tigertail wrote:
Why can't Lily stay in her home? It would be far less disruptive for her.
Does your boyfriend not want her?
Heather


Well if it's her cat, I don't think anyone can fault her for wanting to keep her cat. I certainly would if I was in her shoes.

Your cat will be fine. These things happen, and cats are pretty resilient. Look at it as a new opportunity to make the new home great for your cat, and put some effort into that. You and your cat will get through it together and help each other.


Sorry, but I read it as being both of theirs cat.

TigerLily wrote:
I broke up with my boyfriend who purchased Lily with me.


.....and if I were in that position (and I have been) I would want what is best for the cat.

It is not an easy decision to make, but if the cat would be happier staying then that is what should be important.


Heather



He actually bought her for me as a gift when he was going on a holiday. She was to keep me company and was a lovely surprise. She's in my name, registered to me and spends most of her time in my care. She comes to me for cuddles and I spent the weeks after getting her building a bond that has gone from strength to strength. She used to hate human contact and now she's all over people. I think leaving her behind would do her far more damage. What is best for the cat is not the only thing to consider in this situation either. I would be extremely distressed should I ever be forced to part with her - that counts for something too.



brianj12 wrote:
Tigertail wrote:
.....and if I were in that position (and I have been) I would want what is best for the cat.


And by saying that, the implication is that you think he is the more suitable owner. Which is a really messed up thing to be implying, with no actual information to go on.

I look at it this way: Either he realized that the cat is better off with her and freely gave up the cat, in which case it was the right decision for the cat, or she simply wanted the cat more, in which case it was also the right decision for the cat. Either way it was the right decision for that cat.

You've turned her into Curella DeVille for some reason for having concern for her cat, which I don't understand. Why wouldn't she be entitled to the benefit of the doubt here?



Thank you for the defense. I appreciate it.
My main concern was for Lily and how she would react to a move. As it goes we came to an agreement that means we are not vacating the property anymore. Lily will however be living with predominantly myself and she will be under my care as she would had we had to go.


BeckyN wrote:
Sorry to hear about your breakup.
I think your plan to get things unpacked will work well. When I moved house, I manically unpacked things and then brought them into the house - it was chaos - I had builders clearing out as I was moving in - but the cats were amazing - strolled around like they had never been anywhere else.

I wish you luck - I'm sure it will be all fine.



It's okay. Appreciate all the comments and such. I intentionally didn't pack early to prevent her being unsettled. We're staying now anyway.


BengalDaddy wrote:
The last thing this topic needs is more emotion added to an already emotional situation... facts and tips based on logic might be helpful to Tigerlily.. emotion charged input will not.

I think it has been suggested already that changing the cats home is the more stressful option and this is true.
However it should become evident to you Tigerlily, who out of you and your ex is actually more dedicated and attached to your cat. When that is established act on that basis is my advice.
If she is staying in her current home your ex needs to step up his attention and try to compensate for you being missing.
If she is coming with you then do as you are already (researching and planning) doing and try to make the changes as easy on her as possible.
She has various ''constants'' that she derives comfort and assurance from... all of her own marked furniture and current trays for eg... so try to bring EVERYTHING that your girl recognises as hers into the new place and arrange them as similar layout as you can to what she is used to.

I think either situation will work out ok and the main upset for your girl will be adjusting to having only one human... she will be needy and clingy ect with whomever she ends up with. and miss whoever she is losing.

In either situation the change and ''new life'' she will be adjusting to can also be made positive for her im sure.


I agree entirely. I needed a logical way of dealing with it and it seems I caused an argument without meaning to.
I'm more attached to her by far. He loves her too obviously but she was bought for me and I spent weeks alone with her.
We're staying here now anyway. But she has started peeing on my bed. I assume she sensed that something was wrong or something? Can anyone help me with that? She meow'd and then did a wee right in the middle of the bed.


Sorry for causing an argument. Was not my intention. I appreciate all the helpful comments I recieved and hope I didn't upset anyone.
Sorry I haven't replied before this. I;ve been busy and stressed. Again thank you all.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 4:02 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat
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Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 8:23 am
Posts: 839
Location: West Sussex
TigerLily wrote:
Tigertail wrote:
Why can't Lily stay in her home? It would be far less disruptive for her.

Does your boyfriend not want her?


Heather



That was sllightly rude. She is my baby, not his. I will not leave her behind just because my life is at a bad place.

I'm sorry to everyone I haven't replied to. I've been naturally busy! I'll try get round to it today. Thank you all for being so helpful as always :)

Lily has started peeing on the bed. I'm not sure why yet.


Actually I think that you are being more than slightly rude now.

I only commented on the information you gave in the first post. If you had said that he had bought her for you in the first place then I would not have suggested that you didn't take her, especially as I have been in a similar situation. I was only considering what was best for Tigerlily.


Heather

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 9:58 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat

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Posts: 152
Tigertail wrote:
TigerLily wrote:
Tigertail wrote:
Why can't Lily stay in her home? It would be far less disruptive for her.

Does your boyfriend not want her?


Heather



That was sllightly rude. She is my baby, not his. I will not leave her behind just because my life is at a bad place.

I'm sorry to everyone I haven't replied to. I've been naturally busy! I'll try get round to it today. Thank you all for being so helpful as always :)

Lily has started peeing on the bed. I'm not sure why yet.


Actually I think that you are being more than slightly rude now.

I only commented on the information you gave in the first post. If you had said that he had bought her for you in the first place then I would not have suggested that you didn't take her, especially as I have been in a similar situation. I was only considering what was best for Tigerlily.


Heather

The lack of information was my fault, however I do not believe that really warranted the way you responded; like i wasn't considering her wellbeing or something and was being selfish wanting to take her. I don't want to argue or cause friction. I did not mean to offend and I am sure you did not either.

thank you for your input i appreciate it.


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