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PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 1:19 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat
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Location: Leicestershire, UK
One difference with how the two behave at the moment is that they are kittens. They will change and mature, even though Rori is a bit older she will mature further. Many older Bengal owners will tell you that they change after they mature around 2-3 years old.

I know a lot more about Autism then I described above so it isn't just one experience. I volunteered for quite a long time at a centre where my cousins used to go. I was brought up along side them. My mother in law is a teacher in a socialist school, and her 'children' have autism in varying scales. So it is not just a case of 'knowing one' and telling you it's easy. I know it isn't. I am a paediatric nurse of 19 years.

At every exchange, you offer more and more reasons why Honey needs rehoming. Which is kind of useful to know. And some of it is contradictory which is confusing. I actually think it is important that a potential new owner is aware of all the reasons behind a rehome so I do not think the negative comments on your other thread will hinder you finding a new home. I also think its a good idea to highlight some issues with multicat households for other forum visitors, so they may think twice about adding a kitten to an existing cat, or believing the breeder when they say the cat is used to children. You need to go into more detail about you children's needs in order to get the best, and believe that some breeders only want to rehome their cats so will tell you anything. I am, quite honestly, shocked that the breeder is very unhelpful. How poor in light of your whole story. I would have thought any reputable breeder would do all they can to help the situation, by at least offering to advertise Honey (or Rori when you asked her to take her back). I would have any of my kittens back should the need arise.

My Bengal is not an easy cat to live with a lot of the time. He is scared of his own shadow and will panic over the slightest sound. My main issue is that he sprays around the house. I am seeing a behaviourist about him and we are in constant talks with the vet on how to deal with it. I have had some nasty wounds from him where he has panicked and I was caught in the way of his escape. I am dealing with it though as I know it won't necessarily change if he is rehoused and he is my problem. I know honey is a bit different but I wanted to explain that I don't look down from my ivory tower.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 2:21 pm 
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lollo thank you for understanding, I get upset about even discussing the thought of her going but it's in her best interest.

She is a good cat but she has a few 'issues' that really only came to light a time went on. At the moment, she is happily curled up on the sofa, with my other too. They were even washing her, earlier. I have had a behaviorist in and she has helped ease a little tension but even she said that honey would be best of as the only cat in a no kid/older child home. I took her back to the vets for a full check up again, just to ensure she wasn't suffering from anything, paid for blood tests and even an xray.

I know hindsight would be a valid tool but I've tried everything that is within my limits, before I came to the final conclusion.

Even when she is sat with me, if I move slightly, she will growl. I just think, with her past and new life, she is just a mardy girl lol but a very loving one at that.

My eldest son is a lot of work and you will understand how each week changes with him. The last thing I want is either honey or my eldest to be at a point of being unsettled, he gets upset when honey is always growling. She'd growl at her own shadow, if she could see it :lol:

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 12:32 pm 
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I'm really sorry to hear Greeneyes, it definitely cannot be an easy decision for you.
I'm glad that Rori is better and that the new kitten appears to have helped her.

I do feel really sorry for Honey - as I am 100% sure that you do too. In hindsight maybe not introducing Rori blah blah hindsight, what if's etc are great but thats not the current situation and looking at whats you've written then maybe it is for the best that Honey finds a home where there are no children and she can be the sole cat.

I really do wish you luck with finding her a new home, and I hope that she finds a great one for her.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 3:20 pm 
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Sorry, just seeing all of this. My weekends are always so hectic these days.

I think it's a tad disgusting to have seen some of the push back you have received for deciding to re-home Honey. At the end of the day, nobody here knows precisely what it is like to live with YOUR kids and YOUR pets in YOUR house in YOUR everyday life. If you receive any criticism whatsoever, it should be constructive; not judgmental. It really saddens me that at a time when people should probably just be there for you and be supportive you have people who can't step down from their high horse for a second to try and identify with your situation a bit and sympathize with what you are tackling. It just goes to show you that when all is said and done it is much easier to point fingers and pass judgment than it is to try and be compassionate and understanding. God forbid. :roll: I remember months ago when you were going through this situation and looking for solutions around every corner and if you were unable to resolve them I trust you are doing what is right for everyone involved. Sure, the two newer cats may not have helped Honey's situation, but it doesn't help now to have someone (removed from the situation, no less) sit here and catalogue your every action because this is all information you already know and can no longer do anything about. The best you can do is learn from the situation and not repeat your mistakes. Everyone else should just be supportive and call it a day. The nerve of someone to get all bunched up and stick up their nose when they are not even in your position and having to digest making such a difficult decision. Shame. The people around here who are more experienced and have more knowledge are supposed to be helpful, not hurtful.

I don't think the breeder should have allowed you to take a mother and daughter under the same roof to begin with. As a retired breeding queen especially, I'm sure Honey was quite puzzled when not all of her babies left the nest, so to speak. Cats aren't like humans and after some time they expect not to have to live with their kittens anymore and be bothered with them, really. I can imagine how much that must have stressed her out, especially with Rori desiring so much attention from her still. It would seem that finding Rori a distraction in attempts to get her off of Honey's case would have been ideal. I'm just sorry it didn't work out. If we are going to play the blame game (which I noticed is as popular as Monopoly around here) I would first take a look at the irresponsibility of the breeder in those actions early on, though I know it's really no help to you at present.

It's an awful situation to have to endure but if Honey remains a danger to your kids then I think the decision is an obvious and heartbreaking one. Nobody can say that you didn't try everything within your means. I wish you all the best.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 3:38 pm 
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In my opinion unless you (general you not any particular individual) actually have or have lived with an autistic or other special needs child then you have no idea of what it is really like. Working with special needs children, knowing special needs children etc is not the same, you get to go home at the end of the day, you don't have to change your entire lifestyle and the way that you live, you don't have to care for the child 24/7. To see people judging a woman with an autistic son who is trying to do the best for both her children and a cat who is not happy or tolerant towards those children makes me sick, it is frankly both rude an plain ignorant.

Perhaps Greeneyes made a mistake in bring home Rori but at the time she felt Honey was unhappy and needed some company, it is now clear that Honey was unhappy for a number of reasons including her dislike of Greeneys children and she, in my opinion, should never have been re-homed into a family with small or special needs children. Hind site is a wonderful thing but there is no need to insult someone who realises they have made an error and are trying to rectify the situation. Some members on this forum seem determined to see everything in black and white and any person who does not behave in exactly the way they think they should is evil and irresponsible but real life is never that simple. I hate how everyone just wants to judge and criticise everyone else now days, it is the same everywhere you go, yes there are horrible people out there and stupid people and people who treat their pets like possessions to be thrown away when the novelty wears off but just jumping to that conclusion for every situation without even bothering to understand the circumstances behind the real reasons won't help anyone.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 3:43 pm 
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My post in the last thread was purley just to help defend greeneyes after reading some personal attacks. Again greeneyes i apologise if this made things worse for you, but i didnt get chance to read any replies on the thread before it seems to have been removed?? So im unsure what the final outcome was. Just incase the mud-flinging remark was aimed at me. I hope you have started getting some more support in rehoming Honey, and it does irritate me that ppl are still mentioning ur other cats :shock: :roll: When ur decision was made in respect to ur children(your life, your world) x x

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 3:48 pm 
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I agree, Honey is definitely should be rehomed, to a better home with better living conditions.
But why nobody is talking about other 2 younger cats ? I don’t think they should tolerate rough playing behaviour when they are so young , and when they will grow up and be able to stand up for themselves – there is no guarantee they will not respond by scratching and hissing and growling .

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 4:28 pm 
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The kids are fine with my other 2 kitties, they are gentle with them and pretty much ignore them. honey will lash out, if the kids get in her path, they are 2 separate things.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 4:50 pm 
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I tried to refrain I really did but my will power is weak.......


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 5:35 pm 
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My son who has adhd is very similar greeneyes...if he gets a reaction for doing something it becomes sport to him and does it even more, the more you tell him off or show acknowledgment of the situation, the more he does it!

He recently keep blowing in the dogs face to make him growl and would look at me while he doing it so i knew he wanted me to react agen. but he dont try with any other animal just keeps going back to the same dog. Its exhausting but i know he cant help it and i think this is why i sympathise so much x

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 10:23 pm 
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:( I am so sad at the response you got, hindsight is a wonderful thing but you have tried your hardest to find a solution and in the end you are doing what is best for Honey! I hope she finds a lovely home soon!


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 10:31 pm 
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Binx_Bengal_Mummy wrote:
My son who has adhd is very similar greeneyes...if he gets a reaction for doing something it becomes sport to him and does it even more, the more you tell him off or show acknowledgment of the situation, the more he does it!

He recently keep blowing in the dogs face to make him growl and would look at me while he doing it so i knew he wanted me to react agen. but he dont try with any other animal just keeps going back to the same dog. Its exhausting but i know he cant help it and i think this is why i sympathise so much x


That's exactly what her does, he laughs when she growls, so he'll pull and tug, she'll growl, he laughs. The only way to stop it, is to separate them into different rooms. He did try this with the other 2 but there was no reaction and he never tried again.

The cat rescue she is registered with, has a couple of people interested, home checks etc will be done over the next week or so. I have made it clear that the new adopters have to be 100% dedicated, not just someone who will let a cat out for the full day and chuck it's food outside etc. One of the prospective adopters used to have 3 oriental types and the last one passed away a couple of months ago, so hopefully, she maybe 'the one'.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 10:34 pm 
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tephiestephie wrote:
Sorry, just seeing all of this. My weekends are always so hectic these days.

I think it's a tad disgusting to have seen some of the push back you have received for deciding to re-home Honey. At the end of the day, nobody here knows precisely what it is like to live with YOUR kids and YOUR pets in YOUR house in YOUR everyday life. If you receive any criticism whatsoever, it should be constructive; not judgmental. It really saddens me that at a time when people should probably just be there for you and be supportive you have people who can't step down from their high horse for a second to try and identify with your situation a bit and sympathize with what you are tackling. It just goes to show you that when all is said and done it is much easier to point fingers and pass judgment than it is to try and be compassionate and understanding. God forbid. :roll: I remember months ago when you were going through this situation and looking for solutions around every corner and if you were unable to resolve them I trust you are doing what is right for everyone involved. Sure, the two newer cats may not have helped Honey's situation, but it doesn't help now to have someone (removed from the situation, no less) sit here and catalogue your every action because this is all information you already know and can no longer do anything about. The best you can do is learn from the situation and not repeat your mistakes. Everyone else should just be supportive and call it a day. The nerve of someone to get all bunched up and stick up their nose when they are not even in your position and having to digest making such a difficult decision. Shame. The people around here who are more experienced and have more knowledge are supposed to be helpful, not hurtful.

I don't think the breeder should have allowed you to take a mother and daughter under the same roof to begin with. As a retired breeding queen especially, I'm sure Honey was quite puzzled when not all of her babies left the nest, so to speak. Cats aren't like humans and after some time they expect not to have to live with their kittens anymore and be bothered with them, really. I can imagine how much that must have stressed her out, especially with Rori desiring so much attention from her still. It would seem that finding Rori a distraction in attempts to get her off of Honey's case would have been ideal. I'm just sorry it didn't work out. If we are going to play the blame game (which I noticed is as popular as Monopoly around here) I would first take a look at the irresponsibility of the breeder in those actions early on, though I know it's really no help to you at present.

It's an awful situation to have to endure but if Honey remains a danger to your kids then I think the decision is an obvious and heartbreaking one. Nobody can say that you didn't try everything within your means. I wish you all the best.


I think you put this very well, I totally agree with what you said, 100%.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 10:36 pm 
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Fingers crossed for you that she is 'the one' :D

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 02, 2013 9:34 pm 
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I had to rehome one of my cats last year and it nearly broke my heart, and yes I tried just about everything I could afford to do, but nothing worked. Only you can know what your situation is and yes the breeder should have maybe taken the cat back, but unfortunately some aren't very helpful.
I do sincerely hope that you find a loving and caring home for Honey soon.

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