Thank you everyone for your support and advice. I really do appreciate you taking the time to speak about your personal issues. It makes me feel less like a wierdo (when I talk to my friends about this issue they just think it's crazy talk).
So here's the whole story: A few years ago (2-3, can't remember exactly) I had to leave early in the morning for a trip. I'm not usually a morning person but my mom is (wasn't living with my parents, just visiting), she gets up at 6, sometimes even 5. So I asked her to wake me up at around 8. So I wake up at 8:30 and the whole house is dead silent. I get up and go to my mother's bedroom and she's still in bed. I gently try to wake her...nothing. I start calling " Mom, mom!". Nothing. Then I notice she's rather rigid and cold and I almost puked (that's my reaction to extreme feelings). I put my had at her neck to feel her pulse, almost dreading the outcome. But no, she was very much alive, just deep asleep. My whole life my major fear has been the death of loved ones and this was coming very close to it. Since that episode I deal with anxiety. It was more severe at first, I used to wake up in the middle of the night and look at my husband to check if he was still breathing. Sometimes I'd wake him, just to make sure. Same with the cat
I've learned to deal with this and I rarely wake up now but I still have mild anxiety sometimes. I say mild because I can easily be distracted and think of something else most times.
Thank you very much for the link to the book, I was hoping to find it kindle edition but I'll just order it paperback, hope they ship here.
Later edit: fortunatley I don't suffer from OCD, it's just the anxiety.