Controlling behaviour on my lap.

cranberry · **Joined:** Wed Aug 28, 2013 7:42 pm **Posts:** 641

You can tell that the summer is long gone because I end up each night with both cats wanting to come and lay on me when I'm on the sofa in the evening.

Early in the evening they timeshare - they come to me separately for cuddles/padding/tummy rubs and when one is on my lap the other one is not to be seen or won't try to come up. It is all very civilised.

Babbage is boss, later when he comes over to me and Ada is already sat on my legs he will spend a long time washing her face, which she does in return, before subtly being dominant - trying to sit on top of her and/or grabbing her by the back of the neck. Obviously I don't want to be in a position where she either feels unwelcome or he feels he can decide who sits on me. She seems more accepting of the behaviour than I am.

I have been gently scruffing him and lifting him off his sister, placing him on my lap then giving him a good stroke and praising him. He seems to accept this - there is no attempt to stop me doing it or sign that he is unhappy. Afterwards he will settle, then they both only move when I need to.

Anyone been in a similar situation / am I right in thinking that gentle dominance then praise and strokes is the right way to deal with this ? It doesn't seem to be a problem at the moment and I don't want it to become one in in the future.

brianj12 · **Posted:** Mon Oct 17, 2016 7:55 pm

Cats have their own deeply ingrained etiquette, whether it involves their favorite person, a warm woolly blanket, or the highest perch or the one with the best view on the tree. My Serafina is like your Babbage. She's not horrible, but sometimes she feels like asserting her privilege as top cat and making the others toe the line. I have to admit, sometimes I get unhappy with her because she bops the other cats pretty good. Sometimes she'll be cuddled up and purry and then suddenly jump to her feet and growl and hiss at another cat who is approaching, looking for their own spot on the bed/lap. It's almost like asserting her will in such cases is even more important than the thing itself that she is "defending". She feels like establishing that precedent is extremely important. In any case, I just make a mental note to try to "make it up" to the other cat when that happens.

One kind of interesting example of this is when I had two previous cats, one ("Trillian") was my "best buddy", always cuddling at bedtime, always sitting next to me at home while I worked, always wanting to play etc. The other cat ("Foo") was a nice cat, and she always quietly and timidly would climb into my lap and sit there for hours if I was in the recliner, but at other times mostly stayed at arms length. When Trillian died though, Foo's behavior changed quite a bit. She would always insist on cuddling at night, and would sit next to me in the home office and other places. So only in hindsight did I really realize what was happening. Trillian had asserted her claim over me (under most circumstances) and Foo was respectful over that claim, until it no longer existed.

I don't think I can really alter that behavior, other than to try to make sure all three cat's needs are satisfied as best as possible. What's really funny though is that Neytiri has a very different attitude about that sort of thing. More often than not she sees it as a challenge! After a strong rebuke, undeterred, she'll analyze the situation and sneak around the other side from where Serafina is, and crawl under a blanket, or mash herself against me, knowing Serafina wouldn't dare "attack" her there. Smart and determined kitty!

Sherry · **Joined:** Thu May 23, 2013 2:21 pm **Posts:** 9217

I do believe animals can be jealous! You're lucky to have a cat in your lap period! The ONLY time Raiden has ever been in my lap was when he first started coming around my house and I let him inside. I think he did it because he was seeking out a new home and wanted to lure me in! I took the bait. Now he wants no part of my lap at all. :sad:

ttl · **Joined:** Sat Jan 09, 2016 10:24 pm **Posts:** 148

CMYKjill · **Joined:** Tue Sep 23, 2014 6:38 pm **Posts:** 1838

I am living with constant fighting and jealousy between my two cats. Blondie is small and sits on me sometimes and always sleeps by my head. Grace doesn't like that so now they are fighting over my foot stool and who can be on it. There is a lot of biting and clawing of the formerly nice leather ottoman. If Blondie is laying on it, Grace jumps up and totally covers her with her body and a fight ensues. Last night before bedtime they were fighting so bad. I kept breaking it up and they would race outside and continue. When Grace is on my bed Blondie is afraid to be there so she jumps down and waits for Grace to leave. I keep telling them, "You are sisters! Love each other!"

cranberry · **Joined:** Wed Aug 28, 2013 7:42 pm **Posts:** 641

Donna741 · **Joined:** Wed Feb 05, 2014 9:03 pm **Posts:** 1048

ok those pictures are great.

We've really only got 2 lap cats (both moggies) and they share just fine. Diesel doesn't want to be in a lap, he'll lay by your legs if you have the recliner leaned back otherwise he'll lay on the back of the couch. He doesn't like to share his spot though but usually if someone else comes up he'll just leave.

Tabitha · **Joined:** Sun Feb 02, 2014 8:11 pm **Posts:** 1196

Awww, mine used to lay together on us like that! Always along or between the legs even now with Hendrix and Jagger likes to lay next to your legs on the footstool. Now and again I get lucky and they both join me at the same time, and like you cranberry, I seem to be more in demand now summer is over! I think you've done the right thing, Babbage has clearly got the message, you are the alpha male and Ada feels safe to hold her position!

The good old days...

image2 (640x480).jpg

Jill, have you tried a 'time out' with your girls? I had a rough time last year as you know with incessant fighting and bullying, but although there is the occasional squabble now, it is definitely less often that I experience outright fighting (no doubt there will be a massive fight tonight now I've said that :redface:

). If it does ever start - or even look like - getting nasty now I will grab one and separate them in different rooms for about 10 minutes until they both calm down. Then I'll open the door, let them greet each other and give them both some treats (if they don't start again!) and usually they'll settle down for the night then - it's always night time it starts if its going to! Like overtired toddlers :lol:

Donna741 · **Joined:** Wed Feb 05, 2014 9:03 pm **Posts:** 1048

Such a sweet picture.

I think overtired toddlers is the perfect description :thumbup:

Sherry · **Joined:** Thu May 23, 2013 2:21 pm **Posts:** 9217

If you can't beat'em, join 'em! Those pictures are awesome! Makes me wish I had two (NOT!!!). I just love to see cats snuggled up on top of each other. You just need a bigger lap, Cranberry!

CMYKjill · **Joined:** Tue Sep 23, 2014 6:38 pm **Posts:** 1838

Tabitha · **Joined:** Sun Feb 02, 2014 8:11 pm **Posts:** 1196

Hi Jill,

I tend to try to stay in the same room as the one who isn't at fault or started it, then make a fuss of them. If Grace is the instigator she'll be in another room.

Could be worth a try, it works for me but of course it might not for you, however it must be hard work with all that fighting and jealousy going on, so I imagine it would be good if you could find a way to stop it. It totally stressed me out last year.

Yes, I found pilling hard work with Hendrix, fortunately the second lot he had recently were beef flavoured and he thought they were a treat! With Jagger we had a liquid antibiotic as we knew there was no way we could pill him.... Fortunately that was beef flavoured too so I mixed it in his favourite food and he happily ate it. I'm sure there will be a way if she really needs medication at any point!

cranberry · **Joined:** Wed Aug 28, 2013 7:42 pm **Posts:** 641

I think that a timeout is only going to work if you can pick up the perp and isolate them from their sibling/human/attention/victim/cuddles, so it might not work with Grace if she can't be picked up.

One downside to having lap cats is having to negotiate getting up off the couch - much as I try, I can't train Ada and Babbage to go and fix me another gin and tonic.

Tabitha · **Joined:** Sun Feb 02, 2014 8:11 pm **Posts:** 1196

You need a jug you can keep close by for top ups!

Controlling behaviour on my lap.

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