Hi there,

I'm after some urgent advice. My8 yr old (spayed) Bengal has always had a bit of a temper and will scratch my children if they go near her, however recently it has got worse with her lashing out at them as they walk past. On top of this she has started pooing in the house (on my 5 year olds bed!) and on my 11 yr olds floor.

We have had her since she was 18 months old (my eldest children were 2 and 4 at the time) and she has always been 'my' cat, showing no interest in anybody else in the family however her behaviour has definitely got worse over the years to the point where she has started to lash out at me and I am afraid that she will also cause some real damage to my children (my youngest is 5) and I am now thinking that I may have to re-home her.

Has anybody had any experience of managing this sort of behaviour? I have tried the spray which is supposed to calm down their behaviour which did not make any difference.

Some more facts: She (name Miaow) has a cat flap and is out most of the day, returning in the evening and again at about 2am (when she announces her arrival!). We also have a dog (lurcher) and the two have put up with one another for the last 6 years. The only other factor that has changed in our lives is a new hamster which really doesn't get too much attention.

I would be so grateful for any advice.

Many thanks,

Lucy x

I would be inclined to suggest rehoming him, as it sounds like he really isn't very central to the household and doesn't really have many allies left. But at age 8, rehoming a cat tagged with behavior problems might be unrealistic. All I can really say is that you have a cat who feels territorially threatened (and for good reason...) and you and you kids need to make more of an effort to be "friends" again. Getting the help of a cat behaviorist would be a good option, but from what you've said, kind of reading between the lines, I think you guys collectively need to be willing to break this cycle of being afraid of him and neglecting him, making him out to be the "problem" and the "bad guy" and bringing home more pets.

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The little monsters 3

Thank you for your reply Brianj12,
I give Miaow plenty of attention but my children are terrified of her and despite having tried many times over the years to get them accustomed to one another she will go for them (scratching and biting) when they go near her. I am experienced with cats so I know how to introduce children to them and vice versa but she will let them approach, wait until they have stroked her once or twice and then turn around and scratch or bite them (often without the customary tail wag or twitch).

Miaow has scratched all of my children at one point or another over the last few years but it is becoming more frequent and it is always bad enough to make them bleed. My 5 year old has woken up with scratches on her arms where Miaow has managed to get into her room at night and then scratched her whilst she has been asleep (I expect Miaow wanted to sleep on her nice, warm bed and pounced when my daughter stirs in her sleep).

The dog is not allowed upstairs so Miaow has two floors to herself and her own room in the attic (we use for storage but it is nice and warm and is a calm place for her to go).

Is it the dog that you think will make her feel territorially threatened? Can that get worse over time? (We've had the dog for 6 years)? Would the hamster make a difference? (It belongs to my eldest daughter and lived in her room)?

I'm not sure I can afford a cat behaviourist as my husband lost his job recently (although I will look into it) , is there anything else you could suggest that I could try?

Thank you again,

Lucy

I can appreciate the problem. It seems counter-intuitive, but I think you guys have to stop being afraid of him before he'll stop beating you up (not vice-versa). My suggestion:

1. Have the kids feed him whenever possible
2. Have them play with him, but only with toys
3. Tell the kids not to pet him. From what you've said, that seems like it may be unwelcome and partially the cause of the drama. If he wants affection, make him come to them, and even then, only a couple of strokes right on the top of the head/ears. No fully body pets.

4. Another possibility that you should consider: This problem might not be behavioral at all! Sometimes cats, especially older ones, have some parts of their body that hurt. That's when you'll see that behavior that you describe, where they seek and welcome affection... until it hurts! Then they tell you "STOP!". You might look into that. Carefully observe if there is any part of their body that they are defensive about and telling you "hey, that's off limits!". Sometimes if they have something like that, even moving a hand towards that part of their body will cause a defensive reaction.

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The little monsters 3

Brian's advise is great. Wand toys or a game of fetch are perfect to build up your kids confidence in playing with the cat which helps calm their fear and makes for less tension all the way around.

I just want to add that it could also be over stimulation from full body pets. I've got a semi-feral cat that acts like she wants you to pet her back and scratch by her tail but if you do she'll bite/claw you every time. She just gets over stimulated. If you pet her head and scratch her ears she's fine but as soon as you run your hand down her back there's a 50/50 chance of her lashing out. Even if the cat lets you pet their body it may just be too much when the kids do it.

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Dallas, TX USA
Diesel - snow Bengal born 09/01/2013 adopted Feb 2014
Tuck, Chloe, Buddy, Lewis & Tia - rescue kitties
Clyde, Bleu & Coal - Great Danes

Thank you so much, that is very helpful.

My children only stroke Miaow on her head as she does lash out more frequently when I stroke her body - which I had been continuing to do as she had seemed to want me to, but I will stop that now too!

I sm not sure about a wand toy - she has snapped every single one on the first use as she pulls the dangling item off the stick even when I drop it. She does love attacking a roll of toilet paper though so I may get them to play with that with her instead. They can throw it from a distance to start with.

Is it normal for bengals to become aggressive during their play? I would have said my previous non-Bengal cats were 'excitedly playful' whereas Miaow definitely sees the toy (and hand!) as prey right from the off!

Thank you both for your very helpful advice :)

Lucy x

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The little monsters 3

Hello Lucy. I had exactly the same issue as you with a spayed, 6 yr old rescue male bengal. My kids were older which was helpful. I got the help of a behaviourist called Debbie Conolly from the bengalcathelpline.co.uk. She sometimes rescues, rehabilitates and rehomes bengals. She charged £40 which was a tiny price to pay for a happy household. As Brian said, as Miaow is 8 yrs old she may have tender areas from arthritis etc. She may be in pain. I would take her for a vet visit to get checked out as peeing, pooing and lashing out say pain and territorially insecure to me. Once she has had the all clear, then you need to try to get everyone to be calm and confident around Miaow. As other members have said, don't do body strokes. Stick to head, ears and under the chin. Get the kids to feed, play and give treats. I always think toys they can wrestle and kick are a good idea too. I had big stuffed toys that I used to fend Oscar off is he went for me. He then latched on to them and got his aggression out. Oscar used to get close, sit higher and eyeball me, then move in slowly. It was total domination on his part. If he did this, I immediately got higher than him, said a firm NO and pushed him calmly to the floor (he was usually on the arm of the sofa) Debbie told me to keep Oscar occupied with his biscuits in a feeding ball and to make him hunt his food ie food in a box that he could rip apart (pretty messy). As for your lurcher, I really cannot say but make sure Miaow has high cat trees and places she can call her own. With the litter tray issues I would make sure she has multiple litter trays with at least one upstairs. If she is frightened and feels insecure she will not use a tray. I have a litter tray in a bathroom upstairs - not ideal but better than peeing on the carpet. With the pooing on the bed, the cat is trying to mix her scent with yours, to make her feel secure. Always make beds to there is no ruffled duvet for her to dig in and maybe put plastic sheets over until this behaviour hopefully stops.

Its not an easy situation and Miaow may be happier in a child free and dog free home. I really hope it works out for you. Good luck

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Melissa

UK
Oscar - Rescue (Rascal!!!) Bengal

The first think is to have her checked out at the vet and make sure she isn't having any medical issues, especially eyesight problems or arthritic. Better to be safe than sorry! Secondly, as has been suggested, bring the kids in the feeding and playing aspects. Get them more involved and things might improve, but after this length of time??? I don't know. You will need to invest a lot of time and patience if you want to see a change in the behavior toward your kids -- and your kids will have to change their behavior toward the cat. Rehoming seems like such a great option, but I see every day on Facebook, bengals who need to be rehomed and those poor things look so sad. I hope you will re-think the option and try better to integrate her into your household. You have a busy household and bengals need a lot of attention.

Thank you so much for all of your support and advice, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

I will start off by taking Miaow to the vet to rule out a health problem and will then contact the behaviourist (thank you for the recommendation @spitspot that sounds more reasonable than I was anticipating) to get their take on whether they think her behaviour will improve.

I have broached the subject of playing with Miaow to the children and they are very reluctant, they say they are too scared of her and they don't like her. I am hoping that if the children are here when the behaviourist comes that it may help them understand why she is behaving this way and that it is not directed at them. They have heard ME trying to defend her too many times now and seemingly won't listen!

@Spitspot - did you win your children around/ did they stop being frightened in the end?

Thank you again for all your advice,

Lucy

Hi Lucy. My girls were not really frightened of Oscar apart from when he ambushed them on the landing. It was only play but it still hurt and drew blood. That meant the girls would rush across the landing thinking the faster they went, the safer they were.....WRONG!!! It just worked Oscar up and was the perfect chase and bring down the prey scenario. Quite funny if there was not blood involved. Debbie is in Yorkshire, I think, so she did not come to my home. The £40 was for a very long phone call (1hr 30 mins) and then unlimited emails after. She basically explained, as I'm sure you know that bengals have different needs than your basic DSH and how to meet those needs. My girls were fully on board with the play and feeding after I had explained that Oscar was only playing when he rugby tackled their ankles on the landing

Meeting their play and hunting needs are paramount. Also respecting their space as theirs and not invading it ie kids climbing on the cat tree etc. I also used to kind of baby talk and used a sing song voice to Oscar which seemed to chill him out. I also used the Zylkene which Debbie recommended as it is totally natural and could help Miaow to just chill a little.

I'm sure your kids would find the flying frenzy great fun and also they can stay away from Miaow using it. You can buy lots of attachments and Oscars favourite is the wriggly worm. He also loves the wand under rugs, blankets etc. The Kong Kikaroo is also perfect as they can wrestle and use their back legs to shred it. Quite violent but it's what their prey drive requires.

Oscar seemed to have his dominance directed mostly at me for some reason. He sometimes sat on the girls laps then would just bite them, not drawing blood but hard enough. The thing to watch out for is the eyeballing then the pupils dilating. I used to tell my girls to always have a folded up fleece blanket over their legs when Oscar wanted to be on their laps. Also have the large stuffed toy to fend off. Then, If Oscar started doing his thing where he would stare and kind of get up in your face, they needed to just stand up and he would fall safely off their laps without their legs getting shredded as the blanket was between cat and flesh.

It's not easy when fearful children are involved as scratches hurt. It does sound as though Miaow is just scratching as a reaction to you doing something she does not like rather than stalking and hurting you. This is a really good thing as if you can recognise her triggers then you can avoid them. Maybe when if the kids give Miaow a treat and feed or play with her then they get a treat too. I am totally with the bribery for pets and kids!!! Good luck and thinking of you.

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Melissa

UK
Oscar - Rescue (Rascal!!!) Bengal

Cats read energy and react to it. If your girls "don't like" the cat, the cat will know and treat them as hostile enemies and behave in ways their instincts tell them to act. When I approach a cat (any cat), my heart is filled with love and little hearts float up over my head. I speak softly and praise their beauty over and over. I don't always touch them especially if they are feral but they always soften and rub against objects and raise a happy tail and can sense that I appreciate their beauty. Some feral cats will rub against my legs and let me pet them, which is quite an honor. Of course I feed them and they want to be friends with someone who feeds them. One trick I learned when feeding feral cats is to pet them when you put the food down. They want the food more than they want to run away especially if they are young and have learned to trust you. It gets them used to your loving touch and associate it with something good like food.

Ask your girls to find love in their hearts for the cat and speak softly and sweetly to Miaow and see if that makes a difference in how the cat responds to them. Have them give the kitty a treat when the interaction has been a good one. Tell the cat she is a good girl, and mean it. Cats love praise and adoration.

You are absolutely right Jill, about cats reading your energy. I think all animals have that ability - it's just us stupid humans who don't get it sometimes! I'm embarrassed to admit that when I was at my lowest ebb with Oscar, I used to have a kind of 'Mantra' and whenever I was with him I would repeat 'love,love,love' to myself over and over. It sounds ridiculous but it does focus good and loving intentions to the cat. I was fed up and alone as my husband had washed his hands of the situation and just wanted it sorted. Oscar was peeing and spraying and had dominant aggression issues. I had taken him from a rescue centre and he needed me so I could not give up....ever. It really did help to have the mantra. It just sounds so silly and 'new age' to say it out loud Well the love does pay off as he is just the most wonderful, affectionate and blissfully silly cat! I only have to look at him and he purrs. What a difference love makes

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Melissa

UK
Oscar - Rescue (Rascal!!!) Bengal

Wow! I feel so inspired, I thought I'd tried everything but I'd clearly not even 'scratched' the surface!

I can't wait to give these suggestions a try and it's given me a renewed faith that I may be able to manage this situation and help everybody to love Miaow as much as I do - I had a lovely cuddle with her last night and it made me feel so sad that I'm the only one who gets to do that.

Thank you again, so appreciated,

Lucy xx

Cats definitely pick up on the fact that your children are scared and then they use it to their advantage as having the upper hand. Your kitty has confidence, but your children do not -- so that has to change. Yes, scratches and bites from a kitty are scary -- attacks on kids are horrible, but the behavior can change and it is so much easier to change your kid's behavior than a bengals. Bengals are such loving and devoted cats. Just take things slow and don't expect a huge adjustment overnight. It won't happen, but maybe eventually, you'll find your kitty sleeping with the kids.