Hi, Sorry for the urgency but I have to make a decision quickly and not sure what is best to do.

We have two bengal boys (9 months old), we recently lost their sister at 7 months, we were and are still distraught, and one of the boys is suffering quite badly - he was her partner in crime, they played together all day, slept together all night, and even 2 months later he is struggling - he seems to have lost his passion for life (as anthropomorphic as that may be). His brother is the alpha and is not a cat's cat - he is very aloof and independent of Tiggi and rather than play and sleep with him, he prefers to dominate and ignore him unless it suits him, meaning Tiggi is spending most of his time alone, wandering around trying to pass his time, looking for his playmate, sleeping alone.

The breeder they came from is having her last ever litter - same mum and dad, and we have the chance to rehome a kitten from this litter. They are currently not old enough but will be able to leave mum in early February. We heard this and immediately considered whether, with the correct introductios, another kitten may be what is needed to bring out the happiness in Tiggi again. of course, it could also go all wrong and he may not accept a new kitten, however he seems to be seeking companionship ( and not from us, he tolerates being picked up and touched but much prefers cat company to ours).

When I contacted the breeder, I was told there was a single girl and boy kitten remaining, immediately we thought it best to consider the girl, to keep the variables the same - we are concerned that introduction of a third male cat may disrupt the balance, whereas they had known living with a girl before. Maybe it is worth mentioning here that both original boys are neutered and do not spray as of yet. So I went to visit them this evening to meet the little girl, but here comes the spanner.

The girl is lovely, don't get me wrong, I would have her in an instant. But the male kitten... oh he is a lovely boy. And not only that but he is very affectionate and fell asleep on the breeders lap and lay on mine almost immediately as I arrived. We have waited and waited for our current bengals to do this (but accepting it may not happen), and when I saw his personality I just melted. The girl is amazing - playful and lively but not affectionate (but our girl that we lost was the same until spayed, then she really began to settle and mature well, and she was turning into a lovely cat, so this girl could be the same).

I'm so lost - I went with no expectation of anything but to meet the girl, now I am torn between rehoming the girl, who is more rambunctious, more playful, more outgoing (and female), or the boy who is more laid back, more affectionate, more soft (and male). If the introductions go well, which kitten would be better for tiggi? The girl would be playful, but the boy is playful still, so I wonder if he would be best. But if the introductions dont go well and they merely tolerate each other, which would cope best with that? The girl is more self-assured, would she be better at being a loner? Or would the boy be better as he would seek our attention and not feel lonesome?

Considering I plan to follow the guide on here to introduce them, and the kitten can be kept separated by solid doors until they are happy, would it really upset the balance to home the boy?

Please help, I am lost and there is another person who wants the other kitten and is waiting on me to make the decision so they know which they are having - the breeder is prioritising us as they know us.

My $0.02: I think you need to keep your eye on the prize, and remember why you are getting this new kitten, and go from there. Are you looking for a cuddle-kitty for you? Or a playmate for your grieving bengal? To me the decision is pretty easy, but I know what it's like to be smitten by a cat.

And I think going in you should not constantly be fretting that it "might not work out", but rather that there might be challenges and that you will see it through and assure the best outcome possible.

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The little monsters 3

Hi Brian, thanks for your reply - the issues is I don't know what IS best for Tiggi - would it be better to rehome the girl who is likely to be more gregarious and possibly cause ructions, or would it be better to rehome the boy who seems friendly with his siblings without being antagonistic in terms of his play. I don't know...

I suppose what I don't know is if I am correct in my assumption that a girl would integrate more easily, or whether the trials and tribulations are the same regardless, and her being a girl is unlikely to be as much of a bonus as i think.

I think it is impossible to know how they will be when they are kittens. Lots of kittens are lap cats but grow out of it. The full on fun loving girl kitten may get less boisterous and playful. As Brian says, you are doing this for your poor little kitty who is lost without his playmate. This does sound like a situation where another cat is a good idea. Don't go with your heart, as hard as that may be. Go with what is right for your cats. Good luck and hope whatever you decide works out for you all.

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Melissa

UK
Oscar - Rescue (Rascal!!!) Bengal

I am so very sorry for the loss of your little girl! She was so young! Cats grieve differently -- and it's obvious Tiggi is having a problem accepting the loss of his sister. The one thing you didn't talk about was how your other boy may react to a new sister or brother. You want to get a playmate for Tiggi, but there is another cat involved that you must consider. All of them need to get along. However, you seem to be asking whether or not to get the girl or the boy from the litter! It's a tough decision. You won't know how either of them will do unless you get them into your home and see. But, since you have an alpha cat -- not sure how a new male will fit into the picture. I'd probably take the sister, but I'm not you and I'm not in your situation. Ideally, wouldn't it be great to take both of them? What's one more bengal. But, seriously, you need to go with your heart. You've visited and held these kittens. We have not! You know your home environment and your cats better than anyone. With a lot of time and patience, most new kittens can adjust and get along with other cats in the household.