Hi

Hendrix is, I believe, trying to become the alpha of our house, and it seems this would include dominating me as well lol I need to nip this in the bud pretty sharpish so I thought I'd ask for some tips on here.

This behaviour has only started in this last week and I think it is because my other half has returned to sea and he was viewed as the alpha male of the house. Hendrix has definitely stepped up some aggression in his 'play' fights with Jagger and I'm having to break these up. Not that Jagger can't stand his ground, but I don't want it getting to the point they fall out. In fact, I honestly think if Jagger wanted to, he could put Hendrix firmly in his place, he is a bigger, stronger cat but just isn't as territorial as Hendrix. He has never picked a fight with any neighbourhood cats, although I have seen Hendrix do so - not that he gets in a fight, just a chase away from what he considers his territory. Jagger has always let Hendrix be the alpha out of the two of them as well.

Anyway, Jon went back to sea a week ago and was also gone for a week before our holiday. Some behaviour I've put down to being unsettled, but Jagger hasn't changed and seems to have settled down after the upheaval of Jon going away, mum looking after them whilst we were away (they were little angels for her) and its been a week now since it was just me and them again. Jon will only be back for two weeks for each of his watch leaves, and whilst he will be back towards the end of August, he then won't be back until the end of October.

I'm not letting Hendrix get away with anything and he is still a lovely boy, however, he is challenging me on a daily basis, even in the way he is locking eyes with me! I need to quickly get him to understand that whilst his 'dad' isn't here at the moment, I'm in charge and not him. I also don't want him to bully Jagger. I feel if I do something now, it is easier to fix than if I just see if it is a phase and hope things might sort themselves out.

Any tips appreciated!

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Clare
Hendrix and Jagger, Brown Marble Boys (born 18 August 2013)
Hampshire, UK

Oh the little baggage! The tips I got from the Bengal behaviourist lady was to gently dominate. If he gets on your lap then push him off (not all the time). If he does not want to be picked up then pick him up from time to time so he knows you can do it if you want to. Making sure he is lower than you physically if he starts with the dominating behaviour - the cat tree could be a problem !!!!! Oscar would lock eyes and come and sit on the arm of the sofa and stare me out so he was higher than me. The cat lady told me to instantly get up and push him off the arm of the sofa so he was on the ground and lower than you. Oscar would also lay on the computer keyboard and the newspaper which was also to be actively discouraged as he was dictating the way things would be. Oh the fun of life with Bengals! I guess the dynamics change in your house with hubby coming and going but you definitely need to make the little furry monster know you are above him in the pecking order! Good luck x

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Melissa

UK
Oscar - Rescue (Rascal!!!) Bengal

Thanks Melissa, I will definitely do all those things! That's really helpful! I was looking for a Bengal behaviourist today - is she called Debbie?

I'm going to try clicker training him as well as he is the one who is easiest to bribe with treats, Jagger isn't particularly interested in treats so I need to find something he will work for first. Hopefully that will help too.

When I look back, the behaviour he is exhibiting now is just like when he was younger and stopped the instant Jon was home for just over a year. I thought it was because he'd finally learnt to behave, now I think it was because he recognised Jon as the alpha male... I wouldn't mind, but its me who feeds them, does their litter trays and am basically the primary carer! Maybe familiarity breeds contempt?! Or maybe just the fact I'm female!

He bullied Jagger to the point he wouldn't come in the bedroom to sleep last night and they've both been sleeping on my bed the last few days. Poor little soul was looking from the bedroom door only to have Hendrix staring back at him and daring him to try. So I got up and took Hendrix out to make sure he realised that it was both of them or neither of them. And then stayed awake listening for a while to make sure he hadn't started on Jagger again.

I definitely think I need to stamp this behaviour out pretty quickly - not literally of course lol

Thanks again! x

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Clare
Hendrix and Jagger, Brown Marble Boys (born 18 August 2013)
Hampshire, UK

Yes she is called Debbie, she rehabilitates Bengals that have been for want of a better phrase - 'screwed up by people who did not know what they were doing'. I called her as I pretty quickly realised Oscar was not your run of the mill moggie and I did not want to make more mistakes and damage him further. I think you could be right about the familiarity breeds contempt thing as you are always doing stuff for him he probably thinks you are his personal slave I would see whether just a few small changes in your behaviour to him make the difference. Body language is a powerful tool. Think you are right to stamp on the mean behaviour to jagger as it's not fair. X

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Melissa

UK
Oscar - Rescue (Rascal!!!) Bengal

I have an ongoing struggle with Grace wanting to be the alpha in the house. I try to pick her up briefly each day and give her a hug and kiss and put her back down. She lets out a high pitched warning siren noise when I do this, but she has never kicked or bitten me. I think she secretly likes it. I also started brushing her which she loves. Now she comes to me several times a day and whines for me to brush and pet her. I think the physical contact is good for her and makes her "softer."

She loves to dominate Blondie and doesn't like it when she goes on the bed at night. Tuesday night Blondie was brave and came onto the bed to snuggle with me. She was purring while I rubbed her belly and praised her beauty. Suddenly like something out of a horror movie Grace jumped against the edge of the bed and was eye level with us, ears back and eyes wild. Blondie and I screamed out of surprise. Then Blondie retreated to the night stand and Grace went behind the headboard and kept climbing up the slats and poking me with her paws through the cut outs in the headboard. I laughed so hard, she really is comical.

Last night Blondie was back on the bed and Grace slept at my knees. It was nice. They have their ups and downs.

One advantage of having a single cat is that cat is the alpha male!!! I truly think Hendrix is stressed out by your husband leaving again. All cats react differently ... you know they have separate personalities! Jagger isn't affected by the change. And it seems, at times, cats who get along just fine, start having some issues! That's why Raiden is an only kitty!

This cat behaviorist may be able to help you out. It's just so hard to get inside a cat's mind and know what its thinking or its next move. I hate that you're having this problem now .... but things keep changing in your household and it's apparent that Hendirx is affected by it.

I don't know that I would ever push a cat from my lap! I'm always happy when there is one there -- and Raiden isn't a lap cat! But, the cat has jumped up there for love and attention and no matter what, I think that's what all kitties need -- whenever they want it.

I feel for you, Clare, and hope you get the situation solved fairly quickly, but just as children act out, cats do the same, so you might as well try to figure out how you'd deal with two children.

Yea, I know what you are talking about actually. Serafina has gotten a little out of hand too. If she is curled up in some real desirable place, and enjoying it, when another cat approaches she sometimes gives a real menacing growl. Gaga and Neytiri are always like "ok, ok, sooooRRY" and back away with slightly surprised and bewildered expressions. But sometimes she does it to me too! Like she'll be curled up at the foot of the bed, and I'll be snoozing, and I move my legs, and she growls at me! That's a one-way ticket off of the bed when she does that! You have bed privileges Serafina, you don't own the bed!

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The little monsters 3

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Clare
Hendrix and Jagger, Brown Marble Boys (born 18 August 2013)
Hampshire, UK

Just as some really well behaved children begin to act out, I think it's the same for the kitty! I spoil Raiden to death. He gets everything he wants and can sleep anywhere he wants even if it means I get 1/4 of a king-size bed. I just think with multi-cat households, the equations keep changing. The owner has to stay on top of things to keep everything from getting out of hand -- at least until things settle down again. I personally would love to have more kitties, but I just know I would be driven completely insane -- and I'm almost there already!