I'm guessing now the problem is that Benji can sense your daughter's anxiety! And the solution is going to have to come from your daughter's side before it will affect Benji's side. When Benji gets riled up and wants to play, it seems he selects the weakest prey for him (your daughter). I'm hoping that as he develops and grows, things will improve along those lines. Let's face it ... cat scratches are so very painful. Sounds like you're doing all you can do at this point. Sleeping at the foot of your daughter's bed is a good sign, especially if your daughter was in it. Continued good luck and keep us informed.

I don't have kids, so I don't speak from experience, but the way I see it is that when you have these kinds of problems between an adult that wants to have a better relationship with a cat, you build positive associations, for the cat, about the adult. So the adult feeds the cat and grooms the cat, and plays with the cat, etc. Pretty soon the cat gets real comfortable around that adult, because he thinks "oh great, surely something very good is about to happen now that she is here".

But it seems like in this case, it has to be 2-way. The child needs to associate the cat with good things, and the cat needs to associate the child also with good things. So it seems to me like the key would be to figure out activities that would serve that purpose. Certainly your daughter could be the one to present meals to the cat, but perhaps activities like teaching the cat silly new tricks (through clicker training) might be the sort of activity that would build up positive capital on both sides. Or perhaps it's first making homemade cat toys, and then using those to play with your cat. Something like that.

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The little monsters 3

Great suggestions and support everyone. This board is great to bounce ideas around - otherwise you're trying to figure it yourself.