Hi All

Benji (11 month old male snow bengal) lives with our family (me, wife, 7yr old daughter and 5 yr old son) in a reasonably sized house with a good sized garden. Beni has been prone to grabbing/biting feet, ankles, fore arms - not through aggression but enthusiastic play (but sore nonetheless). However, changing our approach (learning his triggers, reading body language, encouraging toy use etc) we have managed to reduce this and is not an issue for myself, my wife and my son. Unfortunately my daughter has become anxious around him. Now she and Benji seem to have got stuck in a difficult pattern - my daughter gives off signs that she is wary of Benji and Benji seems to get on edge too and can be more prone to fight or flight behaviour - and the vicious cycle continues. My daughter can be quite loud and full of energy herself when coming home from school (she is quiet as a mouse at school!) - so this may put Benji on high alert in that (in his eyes) she is 'unpredictable'. If he does jump up at her forearm she will scream which sometimes intensifies his 'attack'. However, my son is an energetic young boy too and doesn't seem to get the same reaction from Benji (Benji just keeps clear or tolerates it). Obviously we want a pet were all in the household are relaxed around them and can have a positive relationship with him (and him with us). I would very much welcome any advice from the experienced members on this excellent forum on how to go about resolving the relationship between my daughter and Benji.

Thank you!

I have recently went through a similar situation with my male. He never attacked or acted aggressive but he was extremely stressed by my children, one child in particular stressed him to the max. It was a very difficult situation that ultimately lead to rehoming Jasper to home without children. My case was extreme however, and I tried multiple things to remedy the situation before it came to that. If I were I would start with working on your daughters behavior around him. The loud squalls and rambunctious behavior can be overwhelming for us adults. Now imagine that if you were cat sized. I know keeping kids calm can be difficult especially at age 7 ( I have two 7 year olds) when they come home from school. I would designate her "release" area where Benji is not allowed. Her room, play room, outside if the weather is nice. This will create an environment for each of them to thrive. Once she is home and settled have her sit in the room CALMLY with Benji and have her play with da bird with him or give him treats. You are going to have to change his view of her. He sees her now as a threat or a negative energy in his territory. Make sure she becomes VERY appealing by only letting them interact with positive reinforcement. In other words if it's a good thing food, play, treats, what ever he loves it should come from her. Start slow and gradually build their time together. If for some reason you notice her getting anxious or Benji getting antsy you should separate them before it escalates. If that doesn't work, I would then suggest putting him back to a safe room and doing a controlled reintroduction.

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Thanks for your response - this is most helpful. I will definitely try the things you have suggested. Will think of positive activities that only my daughter does with Benji e.g. perhaps brushing him. Regards treats I haven't found any he relishes yet (bit of a fuss pot). He is raw fed (ground meat, organs, bones) - and he seems to turn his nose up at more commercial type snacks - but will try and look for something he loves as I think this could help if my daughter was the only one who distributed them. I may look for a toy that only she and Benji play with. However, I also agree that we need to help my daughter with her behaviour too - finding a way of getting her post school release and having calmer interactions with Benji. Thanks again.

Have you tried boiled chicken as a treat? That's the only thing my girl will touch. I would also look into getting "da bird" if you don't have one already and other interactive toys. If he enjoys brushing let her do it in a calm soothing way. Of course it would need to be supervised. I think if you can get her calm when she is around him he will soon see she isn't a threat and she will in turn see him the same. I think they are both playing off of fear and anxiety and that's feeding the tension between the two. Best of luck to you and if you need more advice please don't hesitate to ask. Many people here have tons of experience and great advice.

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Thanks again - Da Bird is now on order :-)

I would try to let ur kids be more involved in positive activities...... lots of play with feather-sticks....and specially ur kids must be the only allowed to give food to the cat.... Trying to give as much as possible positive associations between ur cat and ur kids

I'm so happy you responded to this, bkildore. You've gone through this yourself and gave the best advice. Animals are quite perceptive and can sense when someone is anxious around them. Get your daughter involved with positive play, let your daughter put the food in the bowl, have some quiet time where your daughter interacts with the kitty. Most cats are startled by noise and excitement. Getting your daughter comfortable around the cat will totally change the cat's behavior around her. Good luck!

Thanks Sherry and Jim 86 for your replies - most appreciated additions to bkilgore's valuable insights/advice. This issue may take some time - will take it slowly, slowly and feed back on how things go when we have tried a few of these suggestions.

One thing that did also cross my mind as a background issue was that of early socialisation. I realise (now) how important that is but we acquired Benji when he was 9 1/2 weeks old (a little short of the recommended period). Although the breeder did have children, dogs etc., so noise levels were something he was brought up in . Could this possibly influence some of Benji's problem 'play/anxiety behaviours too? As noted in my initial post we had some initial general claw use/biting issues e.g. not being able to cross him on the stairs without him grabbing at legs? These general issues have improved (although not entirely). The positives vastly outweigh the negatives and we are still learning to provide Benji the best home for him. I have had cats all my life and Benji is our first Bengal - so even for a so called 'experienced' cat owner, Benji has been a steep learning curve (but a worthwhile one!)

He probably did miss out on a few weeks of learning from mom/siblings what is appropriate and what is not. In those last few weeks they learn what is ok and what is too rough. Honestly I think you are dealing with "play aggression". He is redirecting his boredom and frustration. If you are still having problems with him grabbing and swatting at you I would suggest simply playing with him. Get an interactive toy and tire his butt out with it. He will probably out grow a lot of the undesirable behavior such as scratching. However, my girl is 3 and still has moments to where she will attack me. It's only when I am asleep and I am unaware of her being there and I move my feet then I get attacked. I think coupled with your new approach to him regarding your daughter and playing with him nightly you will see his unwanted behavior lessen, but it will probably never go away 100%

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Update:

Well Benji loves Da Bird toy - not sure why we didn't get it before (have ordered a mouse version from the same company - for variation). We had an initial lessening of the behavioural interactions between Benji and my daughter, but it is so easy at times to fall into old ways again at times. Benji definitely still seems more on edge with my daughter (than the rest of us) and she with him. We had another attack/defence situation today when Benji launched himself at her forearm. Analysing the situation my daughter's nervous energy (high pitched squeals, tense behaviour) seems to be a trigger for Benji; being by the stairs also seems to be a trigger area e.g. if my daughter is coming down and Benji is coming up. I am trying to coach my daughter into doing more soothing talk and behaviour with Benji but she seems to be finding it hard to do this. My daughter's own natural temperament is somewhat on the highly strung side (Benji possibly is too)- so she and Benji seems to feed off one another. This might be an ongoing piece of work - I just hope it doesn't become a bigger problem.

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Dallas, TX USA
Diesel - snow Bengal born 09/01/2013 adopted Feb 2014
Tuck, Chloe, Buddy, Lewis & Tia - rescue kitties
Clyde, Bleu & Coal - Great Danes

Hi Donna

No haven't tried Bach Rescue Remedy (not for cats at least - I know of it for humans though) - will look into it. Thanks.

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I've had many kittens in my life and they all seemed to love to attack ankles and arms. I do believe your little one was taken away from his mom a little too early. And regardless of the environment at the breeder's home, your home environment is totally different. It appears there still is a problem with your bengal attacking your daughter. What behavior does she exhibit that's different than your son's? There are ways to approach a cat that will trigger aggression. Bengals are high strung and perhaps getting your daughter to use a toy with your kitty can trigger a nip or two. I'd much rather see your daughter preparing the food for him and placing the bowl down for him. She needs to speak softly, move gently when she's around him. Changing a cat's behavior takes time -- weeks, months even. You do not want your daughter terrified of the kitty. You might also try Feliway and see if that calms the kitty down -- but he's just a kitten and very high energy.

One other thing ... make sure you have plenty of vertical space for the kitten. Bengals are climbers and mine loves to climb up and down his cat trees and use up some energy.

I hope you're able to talk with your daughter about this. Once a child has a fear of a pet ... it's so hard to get them over that. I'm sure your bengal doesn't like to be picked up and held -- so don't do that. Many bengals do not like to lay on laps. What I might also suggest is that you have something with your daughter's scent on it (a toy, article of clothing) and place it where the kitty sleeps.

Wishing you continued good luck with this. Eventually, I want to hear that your daughter and your kitty are best of friends.

Thanks Sherry. I do have some work to do as my daughter has now developed a bit of anxiety around Benji now - but hopefully we can overcome this. I suppose the difference between my son and my daughter is that while they are both full of energy and bounce around the house my daughter's energy perhaps leans more to the 'nervous' energy side of things - which Benji perhaps responds to more. Also, now my daughter is wary of Benji, she gives more nervous signals that seem to provoke a response in Benji of 'come and get me'. This is typically worse at Benji's peak energy times e.g. early evening - which coincides with when everyones busy sorting evening meals, getting ready for kids bed therefore can't give Benji attention at this time etc.

Interestingly Benji does like being held (or at least seems to!); if held securely. He gives clear signals if he wants to be put down - e.g. meow, swish of the tail. He even likes being cradled on his back (like a baby). He does not do lap sitting but does like to lie at your feet or under your knees (like a cave) esp. if you have a blanket on you. He likes being stroked (but not overly so). We have cat tree downstairs but may need another upstairs.

Also, interestingly Benji did sleep for a bit at the foot of my daughters bed last night - so its not like he doesn't want to be anywhere near her.

Thanks.