My poor Jasper is so stressed I don't know what to do. I have taken him to the vet 3 times for blood work, fecal and urine analysis, and skin scraping. All has came back normal but he continues to pee in the floor and pull his fur out. His fur is so bad he is literally bald on one side. What else can I do? I know it has to be stress and I seriously think it's my kids that stress him out so bad. He has regressed tremendously with his behavior towards them and he is very skittish when they are around. Surely after having him for 1.5 years he would have gotten used to them. I'm not sure what to do or what I should do. My vet told me to find him a new home, but ( I know this is selfish) I can't make myself. I have posted ads and then take them down crying my eyes out. I feel like I have failed him and all I have ever wanted was to make him happy and spoiled. I have become extremely attached to him and I want everyone's honest opinion, is it wrong for me to keep him knowing he is this stressed? What else can I do other than meds?

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Sorry to hear you're in this situation, I can't imagine how you feel.

I don't know the specifics of your circumstances, but if you think your kids are the cause of stress to Jasper, have you monitored them closely to see if they are doing anything undesirable?

Does Jasper have anywhere to retreat to, anywhere high up and out of reach? Or is there part of your accommodation that could be sectioned off, maybe upstairs, that Jasper could roam with less contact, to de-stress?

It's clearly a very upsetting situation to be in, for all, maybe others have better ideas, maybe all you need is an adjustment in the daily life of some description, something that may not have come to mind yet.

Whatever happens, sometimes the best thing is the hardest thing, I'd hate to see you have to give up Jasper, but it may, unfortunately, be the last resort. However if it is, at least you will hopefully have the comfort of knowing that he can still hopefully live a long and full happy life, even if it's in another home, if that does turn out to be what's best, but I hope that's not the case!

All the best of luck!

Has the vet suggested medication? If he has anxiety issues, medication can help.

I would also try to get your children to engage him in a positive way with play or treats. Giving him safe, high spots could also help. Realize too that your stress affects him.

He has two cat trees, one in the living room and one in the bed room. He also has our den, it's actually a converted garage but it's attached to the house and it's where I do laundry. It was his safe room when we first got him but he has always loved to stay in there. He also has several places that I have created for him to hide in. My kids honestly do not even look at him unless I tell them to. I have been on them making them stay calm around him. No running , jumping, screaming, or acting unpredictable. They actually take turns feeding him and giving him his treats. We have nightly sessions of da bird or a similar interactive toy. He will come out and play with them but it only last a few minutes. He will soon realizes they are in the room and then he freaks out. He is never aggressive to them or lashes out, he just hunkers down and freezes. I contacted a behaviorist and she said he would probably learn to tolerate them but he would never get over it 100% and it could eventually cause redirected aggression or litter box accidents. Which it already has. She is also a 2 hour drive away and charges $100 an hour including driving time. That is $300 a visit and I honestly can't afford that. The last resort is medication and I would honestly rather re home him than alter who is with medication. I think I am just overwhelmed with it all and I feel so sorry for him. My oldest daughter, whom he has always loved, walked into my room with him sleeping. He got up to run away and just sat there and pooed all over my bed. That just happened tonight and it's what has made me really reconsider re homing him.

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With as severe as his anxiety sounds, if the vet recommends medication, I would try that before rehoming. If you rehome him but he still has these issues, he will end up medicated or passed from home to home anyway. It sounds like his anxiety is not simply an environmental issue and hormone or chemical imbalances can cause extreme behavior issues. If there is some sort of imbalance you probably aren't seeing much of his true personality anyway, he is looking at the world through his fear. I feel for both of you, good luck.

Thanks both of you! Elaine i am with you on the meds. I know what is causing the problem and doping him up isnt going to help anything. I honestly do not know what has happened. He was ok for months and then all of the sudden he just flipped a switch and shut down. He and BB still get along great, I fact when he gets stressed he will call for her and she comes running. She grooms him and he seems to settle down. I have a couple that wants him and honestly I feel like they would give him a good home. They don't have kids, can't have kids, no cats but they do have a smallish dog. They are willing to sign a contract saying they will not declaw him and if they ever want to re home him he is to come back to me. I don't know how I can legally enforce that but I don't know what else to do. I feel like someone has punched me in the chest every time I think about never seeing my baby again. I never knew it would hurt this bad.

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I would also try a low dose of medication. He may not need it forever, maybe just long enough to reorient. Helps a lot of people with stress and anxiety; could certainly help Jasper. Worst case is that you think he doesn't do well on the medication and you take him off of it. If you rehime him, his new owners may or may not have success with him. I think it's worth a try.

I just noticed the "dog" part of Jasper's potential owners. A dog is likely to stress him more than your kids, and he'll also be missing Bb.

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The little monsters 3

Broke my heart reading this, I really feel for you, I can't imagine the turmoil you must be in.

I agree with Brian that maybe totally removing him from any contact with the children for a while may be a good idea and let him calm down a bit. It does seem odd that his behaviour with them has deteriorated so badly, something has certainly upset him and if you do think its your children, then to remove him away from them for a while could be the best option.

I don't know how old your children are, but I'm sure there was a Jackson Galaxy 'My Cat From Hell' with something similar - I've been trying to track down which one it was for you, but no luck so far. Basically though there was a couple with young children and I think the mother had also moved in with her cat to help with the kids so there was the other cat as an issue as well. But it was a very busy and noisy household with the young children that the original cat wasn't used to and was having litter box problems (she was being bullied by the mother's cat as well though). If I remember rightly Jackson had a room specifically designated for the cats only and the children were only allowed in there accompanied by an adult and were told they had to be really quiet in there.

Would you be able to make it so the den/laundry room was made into a child free zone? Perhaps you could put a cat flap in the door and lock the door so only you and the cats have access? Move one of his trees in there and make sure he has everything he needs and perhaps that could work as a sanctuary for him. I'm assuming your children are at school during the week so it should only be evenings and weekends he really needs it?

I'm sure you want to be clear in your mind that you have tried absolutely everything you can before the last resort of rehoming him - and I truly hope you find a solution as I can tell your heart is breaking right now.

Good luck x

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Clare
Hendrix and Jagger, Brown Marble Boys (born 18 August 2013)
Hampshire, UK

Season 5 Episode 9, multi-million dollar nightmare. It works through all the other issues first, but then comes onto the 'timeout' room for the cat, where he could retreat to when the energy levels in the rest of the house became too much for him.

It's on youtube so may be worth a watch for some ideas to help Jasper x

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Clare
Hendrix and Jagger, Brown Marble Boys (born 18 August 2013)
Hampshire, UK

You can try some holistic products from Spirit Essences at http://www.spiritessences.com. These are natural remedies and they are available for all types of behavioral problems, including stress. You add just a drop to the cat's food or water. I'd go that route before actual medications. Jasper, I'm sure, does not want to feel the anxiety he is feeling and you seem to be trying with making sure things aren't crazy around your house. Kids can get squeally and super active. There are simply some cats who prefer to be the only child in the household -- you can't fault them. They just like it that way. You have a lot of options to try before you even think about rehoming him. Gosh, I feel for you. Good luck.

Thank you all. I am open to any suggestions and will try anything. I have went back to the basics and given him his own safe room. Keeping the kids calm and quite is next to impossible so I make them stay away from his room. I came home today and it took me an hour to find him. Once he saw it was me he got that happy cat smile on his face and immediately head butted me. I feel HORRIBLE! I sat up thinking about it for hours last night and decided he deserves a new home. I posted ads and contacted breeders and I have at least 2 potential homes. I haven't contacted the others yet. Somehow that makes me feel 10 times worse. I will start tomorrow searching for remedies and I plan on contacting a holistic vet in Nashville. I had acupuncture recommend today and I might give that a try. I have read reviews about it and so far everything has been positive. I will be combing through my cat from hell videos and reading more tonight to get some ideas.

Thanks for the links btw, please done be offended by responses or lack thereof I am overwhelmed and can't think clearly

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