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PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 6:50 pm 
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Bengal Kitten

Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 6:02 pm
Posts: 8
last week, I adopted a 9 month old F1 female. She was having trouble adjusting at first, not eating, or using the litter box, constantly hissing, and attacking anything that moved close, and playing the invisible kitty game.

I have been giving her a lot of time, and space. Reading a ton about what I can do to help her adjust.

There has been a lot of avoiding eye contact
No chasing
close feedings
play time with feather toys
chicken treat sessions
and lots of sitting close by talking to my kitty

her previous family was with 3 other cats, (she is not the only cat in the house) and with Male Owners only. The only female interactions she had was with a wife that was very uninterested in her, and a young daughter.

She has really come full circle. She plays, is pretty friendly and curious, follows me and other's around the house and will even eat right out of my hand, and walk right up to me when in bed. I thought maybe it was the being alone, but she seems to be adjusting well to being the cat of the house. And even uses the litter box for #2, (still fines her water bowl for #1) She is truly amazing.

BUT

There is one BIG problem.

SHE HATES ME !!!!!!

and LOVES pretty much everyone else = [


I live alone, with just me, my hedgehog, and now my crazy killer kitty. She will show SOOO much affection to my boyfriend (who has visited only a couple nights ) or other male friends. Stalk them around the house, rubbing up all over them, leaping 4 feet across the room to nuzzle her face into their head. If my boyfriend snaps, or calls her (by her new name) She will SPRINT through the house to get to his hand, or smash into his face. She will even dart between his feet when walking, and get right in his face if trying to do something at the counter, table, desk, bed, etc.

It has reach the point that she will become extremely pissy and aggressive if i enter the room when they're playing.

She was also make sure to stay on the furthest end of the room from me.

When she smells me, she jumps away and hisses

She will NOT approach me for affection.

Will hiss and attack if i try to pet her, or if she realizes its me petting and not a male, she'll attack

will not let me walk up close to her if with another male

will leave the room if i enter 50% of the time

will stay hidden from me most of the time, and wont go away when male present

I am unable to pick her up, even in an emergency with out MUCH aggravation, where she will willing be lifted and carried away by male friends.

She has gotten comfortable with me when she will sometime eat near me. Only when i have food, and she is hungry though. She is clearly afraid of me, and has a lot of tension towards me.


I am concerned that this might not change, and to have a rather large kitty, who is aggressive, and not friendly with me, her owner, for a long time is troubling me. I am starting to think this re-homing situation for her may not be the best. I would love to keep her and work with her if there is maybe some sort of hope in her coming around to being friendly with me, but for a $1000 investment, Im considering bringing her back to her owner to find a new home for her, and maybe adopt another (male) cat. Right now, it breaks my heart that she cant stand me, and truly is the most affectionate cat I've ever seen with other people.



PLEASE PLASE PLEASE HELP ME !

-- i love this kitty and need some advice as to what I should do about this. I want to make the right decision for us both, weather I decide to keep her, or find her another home with a primary male owner.

She is my first Bengal, and a definite F1. Her temperament is rather good overall. I adopted her to be my friend and have a mutual helping relationship. Seems like neither one of us are doing much but stress the other out.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 1:59 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:24 pm
Posts: 189
From what I understand of eg Bengals this is pretty normal and why no one should take one on unless they are capable of dealing with what may essentially turn out to be a wild animal. I have no idea if it is even possible to change the cats behaviour (someone with experience of eg's may be able to help) but I do feel sorry for the cat who should not have been sold to you if you where not aware or willing to accept these behaviours.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 2:16 am 
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Bengal Kitten

Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 6:02 pm
Posts: 8
The previous owner and I have been in contact for a while trying to find this girl a new home. He has run into a few not so good situations for the life of our little girl, one person wanted to breed her, another wanted to show her and keep her in a kennel :/. and I am trying to provide her with everything I can.

Interestingly enough. She seems to have adjusted fine. She is not being reckless when i leave her home alone, she is eating, using the litter box (when not deliberately going else where) and is extremely comfortable in the house, especially around male guests. She will warm up to a male with in 20 min of them entering as if they where her owner since the beginning !

sadly i do not smell like a man.

I will not be getting any love from my little Sadie Jones.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 2:40 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat
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Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2012 3:11 am
Posts: 685
Location: FL, USA
Hi there, sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your new kitty.

A few questions...
You mentioned that one person wanted to have her so they could "show her and keep her in a kennel", but F1 Bengals can't be shown. How exactly do you know she is an F1, did you receive registration papers with her? What proof did you get? Was her previous owner the breeder, or someone who bought her from a breeder and just decided to rehome her? Do you have any pictures of this girl you could post for reference? As mcjc mentioned, the fearful/timid and even sometimes aggressive behaviors you mentioned can be common traits of F1s (though this depends a lot on how they were raised/socialized by the breeder, my F1 is a complete cuddle baby with everyone).

Has she been spayed yet? You said someone wanted to breed her. If she's not spayed, that could have something to do with her behavior. Spaying/neutering cats calms them down a lot. Also I wonder if it could have to do with the fact since that you're a girl, maybe she feels threatened by you or something? If it's a case of her just not liking women, I'm afraid I don't know of anything you could do to change her mind. =/

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 3:19 am 
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Bengal Kitten

Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 6:02 pm
Posts: 8
thank you for your concern and reply. She has been spayed. and I have her papers. She is from someone who purchased her at 3 months, and needs to give her a new home to do downsizing space, and owning 3 other cats.

She is very well socialized, and had a lot of time spent sitting and playing and cuddling with a male owner. BIG cuddler. besides with me.

She has also been spayed, so no breeding. I am thinking maybe her age, and the whole transfer, and maybe just being predisposed to disliking females. It is so interesting how COMPLETELY different she is around me, than a complete male stranger.

ONCE in a while she will let me pet her and scratch her head. She like its and will sit for at most a few minutes. And will sometimes let me stroke her back. But, this will only only happen if another male is present. she wont come near me at all otherwise.

Weird smart pretty kitty. If she wasn't getting continually more agressive with me I don't think I would mind. She really is a very pleasant cat! No clawing on anything other than cardboard and the tree, very curious but careful. and the most affectionate creature Ive ever scene. I will try to link some footage.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 4:27 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat
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Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2012 3:42 pm
Posts: 1415
Location: Berkshire, UK
how long have you had her? do you let her into your bedroom at night?

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 10:21 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 10:41 pm
Posts: 2367
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
lizzil621 wrote:
She has really come full circle. She plays, is pretty friendly and curious, follows me and other's around the house and will even eat right out of my hand, and walk right up to me when in bed. I thought maybe it was the being alone, but she seems to be adjusting well to being the cat of the house. And even uses the litter box for #2, (still fines her water bowl for #1) She is truly amazing.

BUT

There is one BIG problem.

SHE HATES ME !!!!!!


and LOVES pretty much everyone else = [


can you just clarify something - you said in your original message that she follows you around and eats from your hand etc, but in the next aprt says she hates you.......that's kind of contradictory. In my limited knowledge of EG bengals, they're a stickler for routine and dislike change. It sounds as if from her previous family because of the lack of attention from the females in the household and the abundance of attention from the males, she's developed the idea that men are more attentive and maybe it's the way she'll always think and you'll probably not ever be able to change that. It sounds as if by her continual increased aggression towards you when other men are around that she feels territorial towards the men who come to your home and see them as hers and is establishing that she's the alpha female.

Not sure if there's any way of changing that, maybe other members with EG bengals can offer their input?

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 10:26 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat
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Joined: Fri Feb 17, 2012 2:52 pm
Posts: 518
Location: Sussex
Ok maybe a bit weird of a suggestion, but if she really likes your boyfriend, could you perhaps wear his clothes and cologne so that you smell like him, and try to have a small amount positive interaction with her while you smell less scary?

You've only had her a week, this is way too early to be giving up on her. My two SBTs, who I got at 10 months, were wayyy unfriendly for the first few weeks, and only became affectionate after a couple of months. I'd say they didn't truly become themselves until about 6 months with us. You got an F1, so you should have been expecting a challenge!


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 3:13 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 10:41 pm
Posts: 2367
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Paiviaso wrote:
Ok maybe a bit weird of a suggestion, but if she really likes your boyfriend, could you perhaps wear his clothes and cologne so that you smell like him, and try to have a small amount positive interaction with her while you smell less scary?

You've only had her a week, this is way too early to be giving up on her. My two SBTs, who I got at 10 months, were wayyy unfriendly for the first few weeks, and only became affectionate after a couple of months. I'd say they didn't truly become themselves until about 6 months with us. You got an F1, so you should have been expecting a challenge!


IMO that doesn't sound strange at all, that is a good idea you've suggested there Paiviaso, it could work! It might confuse her a little, but scent is a wonderful thing for animals and I think it might help her associate you with good things and like with introductions, over time learn to associate your presence with positive emotions. I guess I missed out the part that you've only had her for a week, but as I mentioned before EG bengals are more resistant to change and if she's learned in the past that women in the family are uncaring, it's going to take time and patience for you to change her mind.

My OH's brother and his wife adopted a Dogue de Bordeaux (big French breed of a dog) when their previous one passed away, this one came from a family where the mother loved him to bits, but when he got to his new home, he was already wary of men and takes time to get used to them, even now. Nobody really knew what happened, but there was a breakdown in the marriage and it was assumed that maybe the husband used to abuse him and he didn't like it, thinking that any man would harm him. OH's dad once lost his balance and raised his hand too quickly, and the poor guy thought he was going to get hit and sat up and started growling aggressively until OH's brother and wife told him to calm down and he eventually did after realising OH's dad wasn't going anywhere near him.

Give her time and be patient with her, you're going to need to work with her every day, as other EG bengal owners can tell you, it's hard work but the rewards will be immense, whether you have an EG or SBT bengal although EGs need more work and patience obviously :wink:

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 3:40 am 
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Bengal Kitten

Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 6:02 pm
Posts: 8
yes, my little darling is quite the handful, but not nearly as hurricane kitty as I'd actually expected.

She has adjusted quite well to her new home, jumping around on everything and sleeping out in the open right near my bed. Some nights, she will even sleep between my legs at night. It is really something to watch how different of a kitty she is around males, than with females. 100% different kitty, and even act's differently towards me. Getting less aggressive, unless its just us in the house.

I am still a bit concerned that she will never change her agression and opinion of me.

If anyone has any advice with working with opening up female bengals, it would be greatly appreciated.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 11:19 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 10:41 pm
Posts: 2367
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
lizzil621 wrote:
yes, my little darling is quite the handful, but not nearly as hurricane kitty as I'd actually expected.

She has adjusted quite well to her new home, jumping around on everything and sleeping out in the open right near my bed. Some nights, she will even sleep between my legs at night. It is really something to watch how different of a kitty she is around males, than with females. 100% different kitty, and even act's differently towards me. Getting less aggressive, unless its just us in the house.

I am still a bit concerned that she will never change her agression and opinion of me.

If anyone has any advice with working with opening up female bengals, it would be greatly appreciated.


as we've advised before, because she's an EG bengal it's possible she might never change her ideas, but it seems like she is slowly coming out of her shell with you. Just make sure you don't change any of her routines with her because the EGs especially hate change, as other members have said even going on holiday can mean you have to start from the beginning and it usually causes them more stress when you take them on holiday too.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2018 8:41 pm 
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Bengal Kitten

Joined: Wed Oct 24, 2012 6:02 pm
Posts: 8
Replying to this post to update that everything has turned out just amazing & we LOVE our little girl!!!

Truly a success story. She needed some time to settle in, but we've move home 3 times including sharing a space with over 300 people at times.

We take her hiking and camping without a leash. She followed us up the mountain to see the eclipse down in North Carolina. She's unbelievably cuddly, comes when called, loves belly rubs, gives kisses (EVEN TO ME), and is an all around amazing part of our family.

She's incredibly intelligent, patient, and really only acts out for attention. Never damaging anything important. A bit whiny though.

Thanks for all the support here. We might not have made it without you.

Video: https://youtu.be/cvcYEcwX2gs

Best always,
Brian, Lizzie & Sadie


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2018 2:44 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Thu May 23, 2013 2:21 pm
Posts: 8888
We can't emphasize enough that it takes time and patience. Cats go at their own pace -- not yours. But, given time, they adjust and become wonderful kitties as you have found out.


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