Hi :)
I went through the exact same situation as you just a month ago! And my older cat’s reactions were exactly the same as yours. He hissed at me, at any smells of the new cat and was very upset. He too, is quite a skittish cat.
Here is what I did – for the first week, I kept the new kitten in my bedroom. Every night, I would bring (Athena) the new kitten out into the living room, and put Zuki (older cat) into the top level of his cat tree so that he felt safe, and could observe the new kitten.
Do you have a tall cat tree in your living area so you can do the same?? The reason for this, is because if they are on the same level, there is very likely to be hissing and your older cat will probably run off scared. If she has a high, safe place, it will work out much better for you.
Okay, so once Zuki was in his high place, I would just play with Athena on the floor with a toy. Zuki would observe. After about 20 minutes, he jumped down a level. Then down again, then down again. He then sat not far from us and just watched. Athena jumped too close and he hissed at her. So I put him back in his tree.
Just keep bringing them out together like a few times a day.
The next step I took, is feeding them together. At first, their bowls were a couple of meters apart. If they both eat without hissing or glaring, that means you are off to a good start and it shouldn’t take long to socialise them. If, however, one (or both) is not willing to eat, it may take longer. Each meal time, keep bringing the bowls closer to one another.
If all is going well, you can try to play with the two of them together. Don’t force them, but simply bring out a toy with both of them on the floor, and play.
I was quite upset at first as my poor Zuki was so distressed and was hissing at Athena’s scent. But it only took him a week to warm up to her and now they are inseparable.
Good luck!
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