Missing my Dexter :(

Eggman · **Joined:** Thu Aug 28, 2014 11:22 pm **Posts:** 730

So sorry for what will be a very miserable post but I miss him so much.

My dh didn't bond with him in the same way that I did and I still feel his loss very heavily.

I was the one who played with him, fed him, treated all his medical needs, communicated with the vets, spent hours making his special food and doing everything else. I spent hours and hours researching all his various ailments and worked so hard to make him better and I succeeded only for him to develop that horrid FIP and there was NOTHING I could do to make it better.

I feel so angry that this happened which is totally stupid.

Dh has told me he doesn't want another Bengal as he listened to what the vet said about health issues and just wants to get a rescue moggie next time.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that at all and maybe it's for the best as I miss Dexter so much.

Sorry just had to get it off my chest :sad:

brianj12 · **Posted:** Fri May 01, 2015 6:37 pm

Yea, it's horrible. I still really a miss a cat of mine that passed away 5 years ago, the hurt doesn't go away, but it is made more tolerable by making new friends.

I don't understand the bit about not wanting a bengal because of "health issues". It seems to me that randomly selecting a bengal would give you roughly the same odds of getting a cat who develops health issues as getting a shelter cat. And getting a carefully selected and well bred cat you'd think would greatly improve on those odds. But either way, you have to do what "feels right".

spitspot · **Joined:** Mon Jan 12, 2015 2:26 pm **Posts:** 734

Losing a cat is just the worst. It's a physical ache. I really feel for you with losing your beloved kitty. Sending you a big hug xxx

neonyellowclover · **Joined:** Mon Apr 01, 2013 11:03 pm **Posts:** 535

I have always thought that special babies like Dexter end up with wonderful people because those are the people that will love them the best in their too short lives.

It is ok to be angry and it is ok to take as much time as you want before you think about adding another cat to your heart and your home.

bkilgore · **Joined:** Mon Apr 30, 2012 2:19 pm **Posts:** 3302

Oh Debbie I am so sorry! I think you should allow yourself to feel how you feel. Being angry is completely normal and it's part of the process of healing. I honestly hope you and your husband don't give up on the breed all together. It is very tragic what happened with Dexter but that doesn't mean it will happen again. The bond with a bengal is like no other and that's probably why it hurts so bad when we lose them. I hope you find peace very soon and remember the happy times with you little man when he was healthy.

n00dle · **Posted:** Sat May 02, 2015 4:44 am

I can't imagine. I would be completely devastated and horribly angry, sad, and just swamped with grief. I still miss my Old Man moggie who had to be pts 18 months ago. They're such a part of our family and lives... It just sucks. My hubs didn't have anything close to the bond, so he doesn't get it. There's a little hole when they leave us.

Tabitha · **Joined:** Sun Feb 02, 2014 8:11 pm **Posts:** 1196

Sending you loads of hugs ((()))

Time is a great healer but that doesn't mean you will stop missing him, Bengals take over your life in such a big way. That vet has a lot to answer for, as others have said, you have the same odds of a rescue moggy developing health issues.

Dexter was a lovely boy and very lucky to have found someone who loved and cared for him so much in his short life, from everything you have said, he loved you back as much. xx

CMYKjill · **Joined:** Tue Sep 23, 2014 6:38 pm **Posts:** 1838

I still miss my little old lady that has been gone since last August. She lived with me for so many years that she truly was my home's "invisible soul." I thought nothing would fill that void and never even considered getting more than one cat. I didn't even want to come home at night...my house was so empty. A month later two beautiful kittens entered my life and I am so glad they did. Their energy fills my home with love, curiosity, fun and happiness. I had no idea what it takes to raise kittens. They are my focus now and it has paid off now that they are a year old. We have a routine and structure in our lives. They depend on me and I really need that. If you are needing another pet in your life, don't wait out of a sense of loyalty to Dexter. I can tell you were an excellent mommy to him. There are so many cats that need your love. You will know when the time is right.

Sherry · **Joined:** Thu May 23, 2013 2:21 pm **Posts:** 9217

Debbie, my heart goes out to you. I've been in your situation. My husband isn't a cat lover at all, but we pretty much had cats all our married life. Our Kitty developed diabetes and went into kidney failure and I was the caregiver. When we finally had to put her to sleep (she was 17 years old), hubby said, "NO MORE CATS." But, any stray that found our house, I'd take care of and feed. Had one who became the most lovable big lug! He vanished two years ago. Then Raiden came into my life. I wasn't sure about taking on a bengal. He has a grade 2 heart murmur that the vet keeps tabs on. He's so unlike any other cat I've ever owned and I can't imagine my life without him. He drives me crazy at times, but I adore him.

You couldn't control what happened to Dexter. You gave him a wonderful life for the short time he was here and you should be very proud. Maybe in time, your hubby will agree to getting another bengal, especially if it will make you happy. Mine did not want to take in another cat -- the strays were one thing -- they were outdoor cats. Raiden stays indoors, but my husband spends time with Raiden in the morning saying "goodbye" and Raiden has to get a belly rub from hubby the second he comes through the door in the afternoon. They've bonded great and hubby loves Raiden now -- even though he won't verbally admit it, I see it in the way he talks and strokes Raiden.

Sending {{{HUGS}}} your way today.

jodonut99 · **Posted:** Tue May 05, 2015 9:32 am

Hey Debbie, So sorry to hear how hard you are struggling. The loss of Dexter is something we can only understand from our own grief processes we have gone through. I know that even today, 12 and 13 years on, when I look at a picture of my TchaiTchai and Rusty, my heart bleeds a little bit more, but it does get easier. When I look at the boys photos, I remember how cheeky they were, and how they trusted us totally. To the point Tchai would throw himself over backwards on our laps, knowing we would never let him fall - He had spine problems from an accident at 3yo, but enjoyed another 6.5 years of spoilt domination!

I keep strong now that I have Merlin bullying me around, and have the footprints of my boys in my heart to keep their memories alive. I always swore I would never have another cat, but without one I was half a person. I rescued Merlin at nearly 9 yo, and would do so again in a heartbeat. I was surprised to see a Bengal in a rescue centre locally a couple of years ago, when my Dad was looking for a new cat, although he went for Smokey Joe, a Mackerel Tabby, having met Merlin, LOL! You never know, Dexter may have moved on to allow you to love another kitty in desperate need. Take the plunge and go to the local rescues, and just see how you feel.

Dexter certainly knew he was loved and clearly made his mark in the short time he was allowed to spend with you.
Sending huge {{{HUGS}}} from Portsmouth, and big Miaoooows from the furry butt! xxxxxxxxxxx

Donna741 · **Joined:** Wed Feb 05, 2014 9:03 pm **Posts:** 1048

I'm so sorry Debbie. I think of you and Dexter every time I cuddle Diesel.

Hopefully your husband will come around. Any cat can have health issues, a Bengal from a reputable breeder that does health testing is safer than a moggie of unknown breeding. FIP is the great equalizer though, any cat can come down with it and there's no way to predict it.
*hugs*

Missing my Dexter :(

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