I was gifted a kitten at Christmas and was beside myself! I have always been an animal lover, used to be a vet tech...trained and tamed many cats and dogs. I had two male domestics and lost one in the fall to old age. Bengal was on my bucket list. Went to pick out my kitten and I thought she found me. Was a little wild, few scratches but she fell asleep in my arms and I was smitten!!! Brought her home, introduced her properly with my boy and they fell in love. Was a little hissed that the "breeder" didn't socialize his cats and I don't believe he even handled them much.. She was almost like a ferrel. She was born at the end of Aug 2014 and I got her in December. That's the back story....
She will barely let me pick her up with out a struggle.... So I am doing easy touch therapy... She will let me pet her when I feed, she is now taking treats out of my hand and she will lick me when I put my hand near her. When I am able to hold her I feel her heart pounding and she is scared and she will let me hold her for about a minute . She sleeps on my bed and will sometimes lay near me.
My question: will she ever like me?
My boy is almost like a ragdoll and she sees us interact, was hoping that would help.
I have never had a cat that was so reluctant, I am waiting on the day where she will jump in my lap!
Do I just need to be more patient?
I'd like to call the guy and give him a piece of my mind for not touching, socializing the kittens. If she hadn't been a gift I would have gone to a breeder that lets his cats be part of the home and not in a kennel.
Gracy and my boy Peppy are like Siamese twins.
Thoughts, suggestions, advise welcome. My hope is for her to be a loving, confident cat.

Welcome to the forum and congratulations on your bengal. I wish you would have read up on bengals because you would have discovered the most of them do not like being picked up and held and they are not lap cats. There are some well socialized bengals who love to cuddle, be held, and sleep on your lap - but bengals are not really known for that.

When you've owned cats previously who are snuggle bunnies and your bengal isn't like that, you feel as if the kitty doesn't like you much. But bengals do show their love by sleeping with you, wanting to be around you (always in the same room), head butts, kitty kisses.

I can pick Raiden up and hold him for maybe 5 seconds and he fights to get down. I can count on one hand the number of times he's jumped up in my lap on is own. I can put him there, but he jumps down immediately. Sounds like your bengal is behaving normally!

There are a few breeders who keep their cats away from their family, but a lot of breeders bring the kittens into their homes and they are around children and other animals. It just appears from your description that she's a typical bengal.

Imo I would just try to be more patient. Is it possible the touch therapy is contributing to the stress? Maybe try just 'being there' and let her know she has free will to come to you? I did that with Nyx, and now he's loads more cuddly, and of the two available laps, he usually picks mine to settle on, and he'll be asleep within minutes. But maybe that's just because I'm warmer than the OH.

I hope you get some success! Good luck!

She sounds like a pretty normal Bengal cat to me.

My boy loves to play and has to be wherever I am, at least nearby. He rarely sits on my lap. He turns 3 next week and only in the past couple of months has he come to sit on my lap to rest. When he lies on my lap it is never for more than a few minutes.

He does, however, like to sleep by my legs or beside me on the chesterfield. He tolerates a couple of strokes but doesn't like to be cuddled or pet a lot. He lets DH pick him up and ferry him around the house, stopping by the blinds to look out the windows but, as soon as he stops walking, he jumps down. When I pick him up, he jumps down again, right away.

Your kitty may never be a lap cat but it doesn't mean she doesn't like you.

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~ Kyenta

Thank you all so much! I feel better now! Actually this morning she was under the covers next to my leg licking and nipping....gently! Thank heavens! She does like to jump out from the corners and attack which is so funny! She really is a cool cat, I laugh so much at her playing and her acrobatics!
Re: touch therapy- it has been very easy because I know it's best for them to come to you.
Sigh.... I feel relieved knowing it's not me just her being a Bengal!
Thank you all so much!

So I think there is two things going on here:


The first is that, like others have said, your experience with your bengal is not that atypical. I've had mine for going on 4 years now, and neither of them love being picked up (but over the years have tolerated it a bit more). They both love being petted and scratched under the chin, but they had to discover their love of that, and it took some time. They like to be around me all the time, and neither of them like to cuddle per say. But I knew what I was getting into, and don't let that be a blow to my ego, or to hold that against them, and I don't for a second think that they don't like/love me. Bengals love to play, they love to interact in other ways, so that is the basis of our relationship. And 4 years in this forum, I have seen that although some people have different experiences, this sort of thing is pretty common.

The second thing is that you have clearly been claimed by your other cat! In my experience with multiple cats, cats can have a pretty strong etiquette when it comes to dividing up resources, and you are a resource to them. One cat claims you as "theirs" and that defines the types of and frequencies of the interactions that you can have with the other cats. Either that or the other cat doesn't respect that, and it becomes a bone of contention and they don't get along. What I've seen is that if the cat who claims you is no longer in the picture, because he passes away or has a prolonged stay at the vet or whatnot, things change for the others, and you will suddenly see them interacting with you in ways that they didn't before. So no, the affect of your bengal seeing you interact with your other cat is having the exact opposite affect that you had hoped. It probably can't be helped, but you should understand that this dynamic exists.

So my advise:

1. Give you and your bengal a break from the fixation on the cuddling aspect of your relationship. Your frustration with that is probably making it worse, because your bengal understands that you are frustrated with her. So knock that off, and redefine your relationship with her. Have fun with her, take her on walks, or clicker train her, or just make sure that anytime she desires some petting or a rub under the chin, that she gets it. And try new things like combing her fur or wear one of those grooming mits and see if you can find things that she particularly enjoys, then do more of that.

2. Every once in a while, give her exclusive access to you. Go into your bedroom, take your bengal with you, shut the door, and spend the evening with only her. I expect that you will see a slight lessening of the anxiety and a little more relaxing and willingness to be more affectionate.

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The little monsters 3

Great advice and ideas from Brian.

I found that when I had Dexter it took some time for him to develop his personality much more time than with any other cat I have had but it made it all the more special. I remember well the first time he patted me on the back with his paw. I was sat half way down the stairs, turned around fully expecting to see my old Burmese but it was Dexter

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Oscar and Jasper (or one ear and two ears as dh calls them) black rescue mogges

RIP my sweet baby Dexter, Snow Bengal 19/5/14 to 5/3/15 and my lovely dear old friend Muskey, Brown Burmese put to rest aged 15 on 14/11/15.

Debbie

What wonderful insight into the dynamic between two cats, brian.

I have a cat and dog. Quasar (Cat) behaves differently when playing alone with me than he does playing with me with the dog in the room.

On the other hand, Kyenta (Dog), tries to divert my attention when she is inside and I am trying to play with Q. When I am alone with Q, he will often come when called. When I call Q and K is in the room, K comes and Q backs off.

The two of them get along great but they do vie for attention from me and the DH. Usually, dog prevails, although cat has found that he can get his own attention, unique from that of K, because Q is allowed on the chesterfield.

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~ Kyenta

It's so true what Brian says about a cat claiming you! I never understood this dynamic until I adopted my two kittens. Blondie claimed me when they came to me, and she stuck to me like lint. I never had such a clingy kitty. If I bent over, she would leap on my back! She would let me hold her for long periods of time. As babies, they both slept side by side next to my head through the night.

Grace developed into the alpha and then she claimed me. Blondie was so upset but she backed down and stopped sitting with me on the sofa or sleeping on the bed. If I did pick Blondie up, she would frantically look for Grace with a look of fear in her eyes. Now they sleep in a bedside tower next to my bed but Grace cuddles with me late at night or early in the morning when she is sleepy. Sometimes on the weekend one or both will seek me out for a nap and cuddling around 3 or 4 in the afternoon. That's my favorite part of the week when we are all three together and happy.
https://youtu.be/ygOehNuS-6g

Other than when they are sleepy, they don't want me to pet or pick them up. If I do pick one up I have about 5 seconds before they wiggle free. Even if I bend down to pet one, they drop towards the floor and move away, lol. They do however follow me from room to room and always keep an eye on what I am doing. I miss the cuddly kitten days but I let them come to me and take what they give when they are in the mood. I find that the more time we spend together, the more affectionate they are towards me. During the week I am just the housekeeper but on the weekends I am MOMMY!

Brian,
Thank you for that wonderful thought! I will be doing this. I'm very thankful for this forum!
Thanks and I will keep you updated!!

Awesome advice given by others so I don't have much to add which hasn't already been said.

Just wanted to say that my girl Pixel has only recently started to tolerate being picked up without kicking out and struggling to get away. She's 4 years old! The breeder socialized all the kittens as much as possible before they left but Pixel was never interested in it- she's always been far more interested in toys. That's not to say she doesn't like fuss- she loves being petted- but never really tolerated being picked up. Nowadays she's relaxed a bit and will let you pick her up if she's being fussed at the same time. But she still won't tolerate it for long.
Widget is more tolerant at being picked up- but still looks for a way to get down as soon as he's had enough.

Take it slow, be super patient, and you'll be rewarded.... eventually! :)

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Katrina

Owned by:

Let me tell you about my two: Jarvis and Pepper.

Pepper from the get-go is a cuddle-bug as far as cats go. She is sweet, very quick to come and lay next to me on the bed or in my lap or on my legs. But she does so in short bursts and never for longer than a few minutes at a time. She does tolerate being picked up and she was socialized with humans from when she was a little kitten.

Jarvis is not a cuddle-bug. Oftentimes he will come cuddle with me when I'm asleep. I wake up to find him sleeping on my hips if I fell asleep on my side for a nap. Or he'll be laying against my back when I roll over in the morning to turn the alarm off. He doesn't like being picked up as often, though he tolerates it for short periods. He is much more likely to cuddle with his sister than with me.

This is just their personalities. Now I'm glad every day I chose to get Pepper because initially I was just going to get Jarvis. Pepper is much more affectionate than what I hear Bengals are traditionally.

Give your kid some time and let him show you the love in whatever way he is comfortable with. :) I think the last thing you should do is stress him out by putting expectations on him to snuggle with you if he's just not that into it.

Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice! I really appreciate the time you take to comment! Gracie and I have turned a corner I am happy to say..... I guess letting go of my "want" freed both of us up! She is letting me pet her and rubbing on my legs and I wake up and she is sleeping at my leg or back.... (Eeeeeek!!!! ).

I look forward to many happy updates!!

Awesome!!! Very very glad to hear it.

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The little monsters 3

Awww what a sweet little face.

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Oscar and Jasper (or one ear and two ears as dh calls them) black rescue mogges

RIP my sweet baby Dexter, Snow Bengal 19/5/14 to 5/3/15 and my lovely dear old friend Muskey, Brown Burmese put to rest aged 15 on 14/11/15.

Debbie