It is so frustrating and exhausting to constantly hear “a dog wouldn’t do that, the cat hates me, cats are stupid, should’ve gotten a dog”….

Arrghhh!! I seriously cannot begin to express my frustrations of having a partner who is a dog person and is CONSTANTLY comparing cats to dogs. They are not the same!! You honestly cannot compare a cat to a dog.

I don’t know if some men are just lazy and prefer dogs because they love you right away, and can’t be bothered to build a relationship with a cat. In my opinion (I love both dogs and cats, but cats have always been my favourite) there is nothing more rewarding than building a strong relationship with a cat and gaining its trust. Knowing how far you have come, from you cat not being too bothered by what you’re doing or where you’re going, to having him/her greeting you at the door when you get home!

My boyfriend is especially ignorant towards my Bengal boy, Zuki. Zuki has really bonded with me and constantly hovers around me, rubbing against me and bumping his head against me. He runs to me for pats, follows me around and has really warmed up to me. It was not an overnight achievement. I think he forgets how much effort it took to build that bond, and he really can’t expect the cat to have the same feelings towards him when he hasn’t invested nearly as much time in bonding with him as I have. I am the one who feeds him, plays with him the most, talks to him all the time and gives him all the attention.

I also approach him differently – I walk towards him slowly, bend down, and stretch my hand out for him to smell before I go in for a pat. My boyfriend, however, just stomps up to him. Of course the cat runs off because he is startled and he calls him stupid!!! Says “a dog wouldn’t run off”. Here we go again!! -.-

I think that to love cats, you really need to understand them. If you have had only dogs all your life, you can’t expect the same behaviour and reactions from cats. For some reason, I have always had a strong connection to cats, and have been drawn to them from a young age. When I was little, I would bring stray cats and kittens home, bring food to them where I found them wandering around outside, and got excited whenever I went to someone’s house who had a cat. They would be showing me around and suddenly I was no longer behind them. “Ah, you found that cats,” they would say..

Anyway, I just wanted to express my frustrations about people who do not understand or take the time to earn a cat’s trust. Especially people you have to LIVE with!!

Does anyone here share the same frustrations?

I'm reading your post and wondering how your boyfriend would actually be with a new dog that needs training. I have my first dog, a six month old irish setter, and she is so much work. Yes, she loved us from day 1, which was a nice! but the rest of her behaviour has to be slowly taught; all of her natural behaviours are undesirable in the house! Your boyfriend says a dog wouldn't turn away when you come for a cuddle, well my pup does if she's more interested in something else, and if she is in the mood to play she will bite you or paw you in the face when you approach...If your boyfriend can't be bothered to build a relationship with a cat, would he really be able to build a good training relationship with a dog?

Getting my dog has made me realise I'm a cat person through and through! haha. As far as other halfs go, the animals in the house are very much mine. My husband likes them well enough, and will help take care of them if I tell him (I do have to remind him every. single. evening. to walk the dog), so overall he's pretty good really. He does seem to have less of a natural understanding of their behaviour and how to interact with them though.

I love both dogs and cats but cats hold a very special place in my heart. The answer to your other half saying "a dog wouldn't do that" is "yes honey that because cats are so cool"!!!! I don't mean to generalise, but generally a lot of the time women have more patience and understanding and from my experience, my husband wants any cat problems fixed......immediately and therein lies the problem with some guys. Equally it can be the reverse and the girl just does not get cats! I find Oscar so clever and I worship the ground he walks on. Luckily my husband has come to the same conclusion so life is happy now!

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Melissa

UK
Oscar - Rescue (Rascal!!!) Bengal

There is also the possibility that he is a teensy bit jealous of the love and attention your cats get! My boyfriend is a massive cat person, it was him that wanted them and specifically Bengals. And yet he is jealous of our two as he thinks I love them more than him - and to be fair it is a pretty close run thing lol I did warn him that cats always like me for some reason, although even I didn't think I'd love these two as much as I do!!

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Clare
Hendrix and Jagger, Brown Marble Boys (born 18 August 2013)
Hampshire, UK

I was in basically your same situation with my now fiancé and my kitties. We've been together for almost 4 years. When we first started dating I had two, and in the first month one passed away suddenly from aortic thromboembolism and ultimately HCM. My girl was so heartbroken, I considered getting her another kitty, but he said NO. No more cats! She's 10, so if I get a new one now, it will be an endless string of cats! Ugh the horror. Well 3 months in we broke up temporarily and she was still struggling being an only cat, so I got her Apollo. When we got back together about 2 months later, he wasn't thrilled at what I'd done, but how could you not like a little kitten?

Over the years, he bonded with Apollo much more, although he's definitely had his challenges. He's the first skiddish cat I (we've) had, so we had to change our behavior, even the way we walk, to get him to trust us And not default into a fear reaction. At first, I think my fiancé had no patience for this and thought it was all a bother. He also didn't really care for the girl kitty very much, he thought she was stupid because she wasn't one of the "cool" personality boy cats and only wanted to be a lap cat and affectionate. She didn't do tricks or want to play as much because she was older, so that was boring to him. She was also much more of the independent cat type, and that type of behavior frustrates him about cats. Whereas Apollo is more dog like, maybe even more intelligent, he warmed up to him more.

When the girl passed away last December from HCM, he was very worried about how Apollo would warn and respond to being an only cat...because we agreed initially we wouldn't get another one, to him more than one cat was just too much. But in the past eight months of Apollo being by himself, they bonded even more, and he was able to really let go and start appreciating cats for what they are and their special things. Yes, cats are not dogs and don't do a lot of dog things. But there are lots of things they do do that are just so friggin cool, and I think it was when he learned the proper way to play with him and trigger his hunting instincts that he really started to get it and see the greatness, and come to appreciate it.

Now we have Orion as well, whom he finally agreed to get as a playmate and companion for Apollo during times when we are out of town and Apollo is not appreciating the "companionship" and visits of stranger humans. He went into his relationship with Orion completely open, he is HIS daddy, he owns it, and loves it now. He freely admits Apollo made him a cat person, and has even gotten into tiffs with his dog-loving family over treating his cats as second-rate pets, lol. I'm so happy he finally came around.

I hope your boyfriend does too. You just need to "gently" make suggestions about the right way for him to do everything, because being a dog person, he just doesn't know. He doesn't see it, he doesn't get it. Initiating play that triggers Zuki's prey drive will help. The pillow whack a mole game or feather or other toys popping out from under sheets or blankets on the bed really did it for him. :) he also used to make fun of me for talking in such a high-pitched voice to him… Until I explained that the reason he responds to me more is that he can hear my high-pitched voice better, the frequency range of their ears are different than ours and that's why a high-pitched voice is more appealing to them. You should hear him talk to the kitties now hahaha. :)

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~*~Holly~*~

Orion ~ Light Gold Black Rosetted Bengal, born 5/19/15
Apollo ~ Tuxedo Marbled Tabby, born 1/7/12

I can honestly relate! My husband is not a cat nor a dog person! He's terrified of most dogs after he was bitten by one as a child. When it comes to cats, he simply doesn't like them. We've had cats for the majority of our marriage and I've taken in strays. It's not without a fight!!! We had a cat for 14 years who loved to come to come to my husband to be combed. But that was it. He does pet Raiden, always says "What's up Doc" when he comes home from work and will usually pet and talk with Raiden before he leaves in the morning. And he's always giving Raiden belly rubs when Raiden asks. And he does "play" with him. He says he "tolerates" a cat because he knows how much I love them. There are men who absolutely adore cats. But macho men really love dogs! You can't change someone like my husband or your partner! You'd think he would TRY for your sake. Zuki will never bond with him. Cats can sense when someone likes or dislikes them. And they will stay away from someone they sense does not like them. I'm sure relationships and marriages have broken up over pets -- all you can is keep the lines of communication open and try to warm your boyfriend up to Zuki. I know it's frustrating for you -- and frustrating for Zuki. I hope things improve down the road.

Thank you for your replies, everyone! I can see there are many people in the same boat as me!

Unfortunately, we lost of our cats this week. After many tests, we discovered she had cancer and was in a lot of pain. The vet said going to sleep was the best option for her. It was a very sad day for us to lose our little girl.

I know I mentioned my boyfriend makes all these remarks, but even he was in tears… on the day, he came out crying, absolutely balling his eyes out, sobbing, “but she’s our little baby” and he has cried numerous times since her passing.

I think men just don’t like to admit that they love something.

So very sorry to hear. I'm sure it was comforting to see how much your boyfriend really did care, and know that you can share your grief. How terrible for you both.

Oh shame,i got all sad when i read that. I am so sorry for your loss!

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~Genevieve~

Well, now you're getting a new kitty. I know my husband refused to come into the room when we had to put our other kitty down. He knew he would break down in tears as well. I think it's the macho man thing -- cats tend to be a more feminine thing -- even the male cats. I love animals -- cats much more than dogs.

I was never a cat person until I met my current girlfriend. I've been around many cats growing up since a lot of my friends had them, but never owned my own pet until now. I like that cats are more self sufficient. Dogs just require so much more. Some dogs that can be out during the day I'm okay with, but cooping a dog up in a crate all day until you get home just doesn't seem right to me. Yeah, our cats are in their rooms all day, but at least the room:cat does not equal crate:dog in relative size comparison.

I LOVE a man who LOVES cats!!!!! Unfortunately, I happen to love a man who isn't crazy about cats. He really does care about Raiden, but the neighbor's cat who takes up residence at our home for days at a time until they come and pick him up -- he's super against my taking care of him. Not sure how he can be so heartless in knowing these people don't really care about the kitty and he prefers being here and not with his 9 brothers and sisters at home. Oh well .... hubby works during the day, golfs on the weekends, so I do have time to spend with the other kitty outside.

I have only one neighborhood cat that comes around. His owners are not responding to my texts and this is the fourth day he's been here since they took him back home a week ago. Today I will be making a make-shift shelter for him out of some cardboard boxes and styrofoam and put in a heated bed for him. We will be getting close to freezing tomorrow night. I have ample wood and insulation to make a little house but my husband is not interested in that. Our Raiden has a 3-room condo in his enclosure that we built, but it is too big to get through the door of the enclosure. And who knows how long this other kitty will last. My luck with feeding outdoor cats lasts about 18 months and then they disappear. And ... Raiden will not share his space with this other kitty. Here's the house we built for our stray Bear before he vanished. He loved this house.

Wow Sherry that's a five star kitty mansion! Is that the neighbours cat your your Bear? He looks healthy and in good condition. Thank goodness there are people like you around to scoop up the strays and give them love and food. I am so frustrated at the moment as the other bengal at the rescue is not being rehomed. Understandably though, the lady that was thinking of having him is worried that Izzy will upset her old Siamese. I just want to go and get her now. I'm looking at his lordship curled up in one of his six beds and I want to tell him he just has to share and get over himself! I won't do it though. Am far too scared to screw up a perfect situation with Oscar. I know others would just go for it but two adult territorial bengals????? God help me! Maybe I just need to grow a backbone and go and get her?

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Melissa

UK
Oscar - Rescue (Rascal!!!) Bengal