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 Post subject: A Message To Our Pets
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 12:09 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2007 9:32 pm
Posts: 604
Location: Welwyn Garden City
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - about snout height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you will ever run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance / supervision is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cats butt. I cannot stress this enough!

Books, plants and shoes are not other pets. Thy will not fight back regardless of how many times you try.

Your doctor's bill is higher than mine because I love you, VET is not a word of punishment

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't!
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Usually come when called.
5. Never drive your car.
6. Never lie or talk back to you.
7. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
8. Don't smoke or drink.
9. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions.
10. Don't wear your clothes.
11. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
12. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

_________________
"After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference."


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 12:12 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat
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Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2007 6:32 pm
Posts: 1654
Location: London UK
I haven't seen this one, so true! :D

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Best Wishes,
Maddy
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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 12:25 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2007 9:46 pm
Posts: 1499
Location: merseyside UK Earth - The Stratasphere
OMG.. Its all so true :lol: :lol:
especially the stairs being a race track... :lol:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 1:31 am 
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Bengal Cat

Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2008 7:20 pm
Posts: 43
Location: West Virginia USA
LMAO!! How true...especially these bits (in my house, at least!):

"Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance / supervision is not mandatory. " The one good thing about my job is that I can go for a pee in solitude and not have a cat sitting on the sink staring at me. :shock:

"Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible." Does anyone else have a magic bed like I do that renders a house cat panther-sized when they get in? Yet another winter I'm curled in a tiny corner of the bed, without enough covers to keep the chill off my behind.

In my letter, I think I'll add:
"I do not place decorative pillows on the couch so that you can re-arrange them and make a fort to crawl inside of and take naps. They are called decorative for a reason."

"I do not enter the kitchen solely to fetch you a tuna flake treat. Slaves have to eat, too. Following me into the kitchen and getting under my feet and meowing will not change this."

"I will not cease my nightly ritual of washing my face and brushing my teeth before bed just to comb you. My hygiene is important too, wait your turn."

_________________
"There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person."
- Dan Greenberg


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 2:47 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2007 1:55 pm
Posts: 8421
Location: south east england
brilliant find :lol: :lol: :lol:


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 5:01 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Mon May 28, 2007 6:22 am
Posts: 651
Location: Fontana, CA
that great i love it!

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Olly & Kiki
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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 11:30 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2007 3:43 pm
Posts: 2445
Location: France (Dijon)
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Those 3 apply very well for me...

"For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance / supervision is not mandatory."
Onyx HAS to come to the bathroom when I'm in it :roll: (usually he sits behind me on the flushing tank, once he even flushed the toilets while I was sitting on it :shock: )

"The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cats butt. I cannot stress this enough!"
Unhappily they will ALWAYS have licked themselves any time of the day before you kiss them :lol:

"Books, plants and shoes are not other pets. Thy will not fight back regardless of how many times you try"
Every evening, I align my shoes... every morning, they're all over the place... :roll:

_________________
AnnC, Onyx and Chaos
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http://onyx-et-chaos.over-blog.com/
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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 5:32 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Tue May 22, 2007 7:25 pm
Posts: 591
Location: Reading, Berkshire, UK
AnnC wrote:
"Books, plants and shoes are not other pets. Thy will not fight back regardless of how many times you try"
Every evening, I align my shoes... every morning, they're all over the place... :roll:


They probably think you're setting them up like bowling pins for them! "Isn't it nice of her to line them all up for us at night!" :lol:


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