Those 3 apply very well for me...
"For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance / supervision is not mandatory."
Onyx HAS to come to the bathroom when I'm in it
(usually he sits behind me on the flushing tank, once he even flushed the toilets while I was sitting on it
)
"The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cats butt. I cannot stress this enough!"
Unhappily they will ALWAYS have licked themselves any time of the day before you kiss them
"Books, plants and shoes are not other pets. Thy will not fight back regardless of how many times you try"
Every evening, I align my shoes... every morning, they're all over the place...