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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 9:04 am 
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Bengal Kitten

Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 12:45 pm
Posts: 5
Location: Essex, UK
Sorry if you have seen this before but it makes me laugh every time I read it.

.DAVID.


HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right
forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a
count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and
repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply
Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in
cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss-back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across the road. Apologize to
neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little b*stard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of
dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large
piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have
any hamsters.

How to Give A Dog A Pill:

1) Wrap it in bacon.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:38 am 
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Asian Leopard Cat
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Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2012 3:38 pm
Posts: 253
Location: Berlin, Germany
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
a funny one indeed!

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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 8:57 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2012 4:58 pm
Posts: 376
Location: Surrey, London, United Kingdom
This is so true and so funny. I tried wrapping it in food, little git ate round it


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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2012 9:41 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat
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Joined: Thu Dec 02, 2010 1:00 am
Posts: 4109
Location: Portland Oregon, USA
If only it were that easy!!!

I've had a much tougher time than that :lol:

More like:

1. run down elusive bengal
2. pick her up, put in lap
3. treat cuts and other wounds
4. track down elusive bengal that is now "spooked"
5. hold bengal more firmly in both hands, grab pill in 3rd hand
6. treat cuts and other wounds
7. track down elusive bengal that is now upset with you
8. try to wrap legs and torso in blanket
9. treat cuts and other wounds
10. put pill in pill pocket and place in bengals food dish
11. scold bengal for not eating the pill
12. wrap pill in a piece of deli turkey
13. pick up rejected pill from dish and wrap in another piece of deli turkey
14. repeat #13 until bengal is full or turkey is depleted
15. give up and promise to try again tomorrow.

How to pill a dog:

1. Put pill in dog's own poop

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PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2012 11:45 am 
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Bengal Cat

Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2012 9:13 pm
Posts: 25
So funny and true :mrgreen:


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PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 7:07 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2010 5:59 pm
Posts: 317
Location: Wales
That is brilliant! I am forever grateful that Bella is a total greedy guts - the bacon thing would probably work on her!

:lol:


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PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2012 8:20 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat

Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 1:10 pm
Posts: 113
Location: Lancashire UK
OMG that is so funny and sooo true lmao


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PostPosted: Sun May 20, 2012 2:20 pm 
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Asian Leopard Cat
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Joined: Mon Apr 30, 2012 2:19 pm
Posts: 3302
I have never heard that ! Its funny hope I never have to give BB a pill if I do I know now to stock up on beer , tequilla, and redbull! As it seems Ill need to be drunk and wired to get it done!!! LMAO!!! Too funny!!

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